


The Biggest Sacrifice

by Yelma



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age II, Dragon Age: Inquisition, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, Non-Canonical Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-02
Updated: 2015-12-31
Packaged: 2018-05-04 13:18:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 22,846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5335547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yelma/pseuds/Yelma
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sereda Aeducan, Commander of the Grey Wardens of Ferelden is called to Denerim to aid the Inquisition. What happened between the events of DAO and DA:I and what might have hapened when my favorite Dwarf was the Warden ally.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A message from the past

**Author's Note:**

> this is a work heavily in progress, I tend to write scenes and reconnect them later so maybe there will be an update but no new chapter because I've rewritten something or added a scene.  
> I wanted to put it out because I need input - any critics welcome! Please be honest, I can handle it :)
> 
> This is my first fanfiction (because I'm stuck on my other work) and I'm no native speaker - if I messed something up, please tell me!

„Commander, a messenger is asking for you, may I let him enter?“ 

„Sure, where's he from?“

„Denerim, King Therein“

„ugh“ she sighed silently, or not so silently, because the warden cringed a bit but he hid it well enough to not make her angry. 

„Well, sent him in“ She had a slight idea what he might want from her and she hoped to maneuver herself out somehow.

  


She had never opened one of the many letters he had sent her and ignored all social events at the Royal Palace. Every week a letter arrived at the time she started rebuilding the Wardens at the small Ferelden Warden Base, they came less and less frequent the years after and she hadn't received one for a year or more till today. She wished she could ignore the messenger he sent – but ignoring a sheath of paper was a lot easier than ignoring a person who could report back. Her heart started beating faster and she felt her hands get cold and sweaty. She wished she could hide under her desk but she drew back her shoulders and called for the messenger to come in.

  


„Lady Aeducan, Commander“ he bowed

„His Majesty King Alistair Therein asks if the Commander of the Wardens of Ferelden would manage to come to the Royal Palace for a meeting. The Cause is a serious one he wanted me to add.“

„Dismissed“ she nodded at the door after a second of thinking about what she heard, pinching the bridge of her nose

„Excuse me, My Lady, the King demanded me to not leave without an answer“

„Alright then, I will send someone, please leave a note when this meeting is set“

„King Therein wanted the Commander of the Wardens herself to talk to, not an emissary“ _he must have handpicked that unnerving little prick himself._

„Fine **I** will come“ _why did I surrender so fast? Damn it_

“ Thank you Commander, I will report back”

  


As the messenger left she heard a silent rustle in the corner of the office and rubbed her temples. She hadn't thought about what to do with the Dog when she needed to travel to Denerim. She didn't want to leave him behind, the healer said it could be only weeks but he was in no shape for such a long journey. He lifted his big head as if he wanted to assure her it would be alright, causing her to smile and pat his back. Lying next to her desk and Sereda sitting on a chair they both seemed to have a normal height. She knelt at his side.

“Poor Dog, seems we have to travel. Believe me I do not want to – but this dream, the song is getting louder and louder and we need to do something about it. Wait here, I'll get you later when we go for a walk”

She scrabbled notes and orders to her second commander – she wished she was a mage so she could freeze them here until her return, she hated being away. But it wouldn't help.

She went down the stairs through the main hall and into the stalls. A young man came to her, she ordered him to prepare a carriage. She wasn't even sure they had a respectable one, but any wagon would do the job, they could discard it before they entered the city, the last bit through the city she guessed, the Dog could walk. It would take longer that way, so she had to leave within days. The thought of leaving behind her one and only true friend was not an option, letting him die alone while she was on duty.

She returned to the office setting up orders and assembling an escort, she took two young recruits. They wouldn't need fighting she guessed and getting them to know how to behave around nobles might be something she had to consider. Most of her recruits were lower class and never met someone of high birth. They were nice, honest men – but they had to learn about politics. Her second commander was a good leader, she trusted him. But he was the only one and if they were to continue to grow she couldn't do all the meetings and paperwork alone, it was too much.

  


With a sigh she turned to the Dog, forcing some medicine into him and picking his backside up for a last walk, repeating the ritual they had established – she scooped her left arm around and over his back, gripping his hip so the Dog could walk on his front paws down the stairs. She helped him down the stairs and they walked slowly through the streets. He wiggled his tail as he saw a young boy running along, he wanted to follow, but he couldn't _Yeah, running off would be nice_. As the boy ran out of sight the Dog gave her a sad face, turning his head with the grey nose to her. _You know, we could just walk on, leaving the city, leaving the Wardens, just the two of us_ The Dog gave her a little bump into her ribs, though if he understood what she was thinking. She ruffled the fur behind his ear. The Dog started to limp more and more and the sun had set a while ago, so they went back to her room. She undressed until she was in her Tunic and smalls and hoisted the Dog onto the bed.

She grabbed her night-drink. She had forgotten to eat, again – but that way the drink would do it's work faster so she didn't spend a second thought about it. Snuggling up against the Dogs back and the warmth radiating from her stomach she was able to deaden the sound of the Calling and all the other unpleasant thoughts in her head.


	2. Baths and greetings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sereda decided she had to go visit the Royal Palace in Denerim and someone is waiting for her.

**Ch2 Baths and greetings**

  


He'd almost forgotten how it felt – he sensed them coming. 

He hoped he picked the right messenger to get her here in person and not just a delegation of Grey Wardens. As much as he wished to see her, he was honest with his plea, he had received a letter from Hawke in need of help. Knowing he kind of still was a Warden Hawke went to him but he couldn't leave the throne empty after Anora went ill, he couldn't rest Ferelden in the hand of a senile woman and his son was too young.

  


They must have entered the city, he decided to leave the papers behind and washed the ink off his hands. He went to the garden to look for Duncan – he could have sent the governess for him, but he preferred to catch Duncan himself to make sure he got clean and dressed.

Alistair had to search for a while but when it rained leaves on his head he looked up and found Duncan in a tree above him.

„Come down, we have to get you ready“

„I don't want to“

„Duncan, please, we talked about that already, we have guests and I don't want to present my son in a crust of dirt, they might mistake you for a pig“ He gave a big smile

„… but I hate that vest“ Duncan hesitated but started to move down.

„what if you do not have to wear it? Just come down, take a bath and put on some clean clothes!“

„meh. … ok.“ He climbed down the tree and let himself fall down into his fathers arms, giggling.

Alistair catched him with a laughter and carried him to the bath. It was a long process to get him into the water but when he finally was in he splashed around and played with a toy ship. Alistair loved to play with him, these were precious moments and he would never accept a nurse doing it. 

  


“I'm a pirate and I've come to conquer your ship” Duncan intoned his fantasies

“tell me where you hide the gold!”

Alistair couldn't help but play along. He changed his voice and croaked “on the skull island on top the mountains” and placed foam on Duncans head. Duncan understood immediately and placed the ship on his head. The soap making his hair slippery it fell off with a big splash of water. 

Alistair chuckled “looks like your fleet drowned. Lets get the brave pirate captain out of the tub” he picked him up, wrapped him in a towel and placed him in front of him. After rubbing him dry and clothing him he recognized he was just as wet. He started searching for some of his clothes, but a furious knock on the door interrupted his search.

“Your Majesty, your guests have arrived, you should welcome them” his secretary. He rolled his eyes, shrugged about both of them looking everything but displayable and pushed Duncan out the door to the main hall.

  


  


Duncans hair was still wet. As was his tunic, but he hoped the brocate vest would be dark enough to hide it, he left the arms rolled up to disguise the fact that they were soaked. They both stopped behind the nobles, arranging their clothes, father like son, and walked slowly towards the Main Gate. Alistair didn't miss the dismissive look the governess gave him because Duncan was still a bit messy and wore a simple shirt instead of the delicate vest she liked to dress him in. But he decided to ignore it, again, and gazed toward the marketplace. 

His heart made a sudden jump as he saw the smaller figure amidst a group of Grey Wardens – she came, finally, after all those years and hopes fallen – he could have guessed duty was the only thing that was able to make her return, he cringed. His heart made another jump as he saw the dog was with them.

As they came near he noticed the dog was limping, heavily. The secretary of the Royal Palace went forward introducing the small group. Under the angry looks of his advisors he went to them, holding his hand out 

„Sereda, I'm glad you decided to come – we will show you your rooms, there will be dinner in the evening and a meeting is set tomorrow morning.“ He still held his hand out, only then he recognized she was missing her right arm. He was shocked buttried to hide it and patted her shoulder and held his left hand out. She narrowed her eyes and took his hand with her left.

He nodded towards a servant to take them to their rooms, glad he had a moment to digest what he had seen. He looked after them, the servant lead the way up the stairs, Sereda stopped before the first step and started to put her arm around the dog, as he was struggling to take the steps. Without hesitation Alistair walked towards them, picked the dog up and carried him up the stairs. His secretary, still leading the way hissed „Your Majesty, don't.“ He didn't care, he loved that animal, he was a friend, he had saved his live on enough occasions for him to be carried when he was obviously ill. He put the Dog down on top of the flight of stairs and under an icy stare out of Seredas cold eyes he turned to greet his other guests. He shuddered when he turned his back. He knew that look, her pale blue eyes hadn't changed and he could feel her anger rising. He had no idea what it was about and he stopped thinking about it to get along with the the other emissaries in the main hall – he had to remember the titles this time

  


The way through the city had taken forever – the streets were busy and the marked was crammed with people – she had no idea where they came from, she didn't remember it to be this crowded. They were able to move relatively unnoticed, just a few peasants mumbling something as they recognized their armorial bearings.

They had to wait just inside the main gate, it seemed like a lot of military emissaries and ambassadors were invited. She would have delayed her arrival if she had known that she had to spend the evening with useless chit-chat, she sighed. It took some time for a noble looking man to adress her, followed by a tall man. Ashamed she realized she had her helmet on to shield the sund, now she had trouble seeing the people in front of her because of it, taking it off in a rush she realized it was him. Immediately a knot formed in her guts and her breath went from smooth to jagged. She stood as tall as she could – not that she was ever slumping, being a dwarf was troublesome in a world of humans already. She grabbed the Dogs collar tighter as she recognized he wanted to make a jump forward.

Alistair stood before her, smiling confidently and holding his hand out. She was still staring when he looked at her, his smile vanishsing for a second and his eyes widening. He let the hand fall to his side, regathered his smile and held his left out. It was enough to make her angry again.


	3. Dinner

She almost wanted to slap him into the face when that bastard picked up the Dog as if she couldn't manage to carry him. She had herself under control as far as she didn't say anything but by the stone, was she angry. _As if nothing had happened._

Now she had to dress for Dinner – she hoped the Dress was fitting after all that time and hadn't been eaten completely by moths… maybe it would have been a good idea to check that back at the base. But it was too late now.

After taking a bath she unpacked her bag and put the dress on, it seemed ok, out of fashion maybe, but she didn't care for such things. No holes to be seen and if anything at all she had slimmed down, it was a bit loose over her waist, shoulders and hips. She put a corsage over it to hide the lose fabric but gave up as she couldn't manage to lace it alone. So be it, she hated that feel anyway. Her hair was easy done, she got rid of the most of it long ago so she hadn't to fumble with the braids anymore. She didn't own any jewelry anymore – she never liked wearing them but back at Orzammar she was expected to and she felt a bit naked facing an elegant evening without it. She gave a few affectionate strokes about Dogs head, he had to stay here for the evening, at least he had a warm bed.

  


She sighed, put her necklace with the pendant back on and left the room.

  


He sat at a large table chatting with a noble the name he had already forgotten, he was bored, badly. In the corner of his eyes he saw her enter the room and been placed at a smaller table _I know that dress_ He was staggered no one approached her – didn't they know who she was? He ended the conversation with the noble with a joke and stood up to come over to Sereda. A small crowd would follow him, he had just a few moments. As he came closer he looked at her – she hadn't aged well – wrinkles forming around her eyes, on her forehead and around her mouth, a sign of continued grief, not traces of laughter. She was already older when they met but she'd been beautiful back then. A big scar went from her cheek across the corner of her mouth to her chin, deep and purple, curling down the right corner of her mouth and turning her face into a permanent frown. She had lost all her female curves, her collarbones sticking out, he could see the hipbones piercing though the light fabric of the dress. Her once chubby cheeks were bony. She sure was still strong and muscular but the softness that covered all this had vanished. She looked sharp, edgy, her beauty was gone. Her eyes were still the same, pale blue with hints of silver in it and she'd shown that the dark blue glow was still there when she was angry. He wished she would let him see the lighter blue glow when she was laughing.

The Dress hid the missing arm pretty well, she'd draped the sleeve in her lap. He thought about if the scar and the lost arm were injuries of a single incident, he wanted to ask, but that had to wait. Right now he wanted to make sure she wasn't lonely.

He approached her with a slight bow greeting her 

“Good Evening, you look amazing, Lady Aeducan”

“You know my name, you are allowed to call me Sereda, ...Your Majesty” she spat out those lat words.

“No need to hide – you're the Hero of Ferelden after all” he said louder than would have been appropiate – he knew some nobles were following him and would recognize her now – she was once a princess and she knew how to make conversation. He didn't want her to sit alone in a dark corner, not after what she'd done. And he wanted her to relax a bit and maybe laugh. He heard a whisper going through the crowd behind him. _That's it_

“Excuse me, My Lady – I will return later, now I think I have to leave you to your admirers” he stood up, grinning, leaving some people behind to talk to her.

  


As the evening went on most nobles disappeared and some of their guests started to go to their rooms. He'd been watching the whole evening, had seen her laugh politely and amaze his guests with her stories. Now she stood up and it looked like she wanted to go to bed. He rushed towards her, leaving the baron he was chatting with standing at the fireplace. 

“Wait, I wanted to talk to you”

“Alistair, I need to look after the Dog, he's going to die and I don't want him to be alone”

Alistair was shocked “No! Is he ill?” He walked behind her out of the room and up the stairs

“Alsistair, it's been seven years and he hadn't been a puppy when we ... I got him. He's a big dog, he's grown old”

He suddenly stopped midway up the stairs and ran down down again but past the Dining-Room – she shook her head continuing her way to her room, happy to be alone again.

  


The Moment she closed the door behind her she heard steps in the hall, he was returning. She decided to ignore him and sat down beside the Dog on her bed – she was pretty sure the servants wouldn't want a dog on the bed but she didn't care. She crawled a hand through his fur and the door opened, Alistair with a dish in hand entered the room

“how about knocking first?”

“hadn't had a free hand” he smirked as he placed the dish in front of the Dog.

The Dog started to wig his tail, recognizing Alistair. It drove her angry that he remembered him after all this time. They always liked each other, Alistair being the only one rolling around on the ground with the Dog or playing fetch with him.

Alistair didn't hesitate to sit down on her bed and started grooming the Dog, he lay down and let the Dog lick his face, giving him a treat he must have stolen from the kitchen. She found it rather unseemly for him to be so ... close ... to enter her room, lie down on her bed – she had to sleep here later and now she would have to smell him. She was astonished he didn't seem to use perfume or scented soap. He smelled like he did back then. His hair was the same too and besides that brocade doublet he didn't seem to clothe exquisite. He looked good, a wrinkle here and there and the light freckles on the bridge of his nose completely faded _maybe he wasn't outside enough?_ Along with her thoughts of the past her hand traveled towards the Dogs back.

  


They sat on her bed for a while, grooming the dog, Alistair feeding him. Noticing her gaze wandering into nothing and her eyes softening he spoke up

“you never named him?”

He had caught her daydreaming, she struggled to get back and answered right away “No, at first I thought it would make me sad if he had to die. You know, we took him to battle – I was a bit afraid he wouldn't make it. Later we just grew accustomed to call him Dog and now it is his name – weird, I know” she gave a strange shrug, one sided.

They sat in silence for another while.

“you keep giving him treats and we need to go for a walk later” she gave him a thin smile

“That is a great idea, let's go” and up he was.

She didn't want to go with Alistair at their side but the Dog needed to go so she sighed and helped the Dog down the bed. Alistair led the way to the backyard, obviously he wanted to avoid the front door. 

“this way” as stairs got in sight, she wrapped her arm around the dogs waist to carry him down, grown accustomed to their little workaround - he was too big for her to carry, she could easily rest her armpit on his back when they both were standing. As long as his front legs were okay this would work. Just as she started lifting, Alistair turned and scooped under the Dogs belly

“stop it, I can do that” she yelled a t him.

“I'm a lot bigger and you have lost your arm, let me do that … for him.” He smiled and a grumble died in her throat “how did that happen ... if I may ask?” he picked the Dog up ignoring her protest.

“had a bad day and wasn't careful. Looks like facing an ogre alone when you're tired and have a headache is not a good idea”

Alistair wanted to say something but saw the cold creep back into her eyes and just nodded.

They entered the inner garden of the Palace, Alistair let the Dog down and they started to walk towards the well

“Don't you have others to do the fighting?”

“Yeah, now, but back then I had a small group and Darkspawn was still everywhere”

He was astonished that something of the woman he had known had seemed to live on, though she had changed so much. He was afraid to ask first because she'd grown angry and bitter and he feared she might punch him ... he remembered his bruised rips when he had made her angry too well - but the way she acted and talked in a light tone about that injury was the way his Sereda would have done. Maybe there was something left.

Mindlessly rubbing his side he smiled at her “fits you to go about it so easy, but ...I'm sorry”

“you don't have to be – it wasn't you that ripped it off” she smirked. The grin looked awkward, a bit mischievous because of the scar.

He turned his face to hide his shock – he couldn't help but imagine that scene, the pain. He remembered very well how it felt to be crushed by those damn monsters. _Why did she face it alone?_

They walked a while in silence. When they left the ally behind and walked into the open area around the well he noticed she had wrapped her arm around her waist and was shivering, she wore nothing but the light dress. 

He took his vest off and draped it around her shoulders, but she shruged it off and turned to him in an massive outburst of anger “Alsistair, stop it! Stop pretending you care. I had enough of this already! Where did you hide your wife? What was it about you need to get rid of me because you cannot be married to her and love me?” She pushed into his chest “Stop it, we're done!” She rushed off picking up the Dog completely as she ran back to her room.

  


She leaned against the door, her heart pounding, she wanted to hide her tears, she wanted to punch him and she wanted him to hold her and it made her angry. She heard his footsteps, he stopped before her door 

_Don't you dare enter_

She heard him sigh and take a deep breath in, leaning against the outside of the door “She's not here. She'd become ill after the birth of our son, she started beating him and forgot who he was, it got worse, she doesn't remember who she is now. She is back in Gwaren, it seems the place of her childhood soothes her condition.”

Sereda was shocked, she stepped back and opened the door “I'm … I didn't know she … I'm sorry Alistair… I didn't mean to”

He gazed up and found the ice melt from her again. He looked her into the eyes, in horror she recognized the warm amber and the soft and sad stare. Her heart skipped a beat. Memories came flashing through her mind.

  


The Dog made a small whining noise and they both turned to him, he had collapsed in front of the bed, breathing heavily and small pink bubbles forming on his nostrils.

Alistair rushed to the Dog leaving her standing in the doorway. He stroked the Dogs head, burrying his face in the fur. Sereda slowly closed the door and came to sit beside them “maybe it's the best for him to die today – you want to send me to the Breach, don't you? I can't take him with me”

“NO! I can care for him! … please, don't die!” he started crying. She couldn't help but put her hand on his shoulder. “Alistair ...” _There she sat patting the Kings shoulder who was crying about the death of a Dog. A sad smile came to her face. Maybe it was indeed the right decision to force a man this kind into that position._

“could you please put him on the bed?” she aked, her arm was still aching because she was so furious to carry him up the stairs, it must have looked rather silly.

He picked the Dog up and placed him softly on her bed, then he turned and left the room without a word.

_What was that?_ She shrugged and turned towards the Dog, laying down behind him and hugging him into her chest.

After some time, Alistair returned with a box in his hands “I think he might want to go as the hero he was” he held the box out. It was warpaint. Unable to speak she smiled and nodded, she liked the idea. The next half hour they spend putting a beautiful warpaint on the Dogs back and sides, it seemed he enjoyed it, falling into a calm sleep while they worked.

After an hour they spend in silence sitting next to the sleeping Dog Alistair noticed his breathing had shallowed, Sereda must have noticed too, a tear dropped from her eyes and rolled down her cheek into that nasty scar. He wanted to wipe it away but was afraid she might get angry again so he just took her hand and squeezed it. She squeezed back.

It was still dark outside when the Dog had slept away. Nobody said a word as Alistair picked him up and carried him back outside in the garden. Wordless Sereda picked up a shovel from the barn and they took turns digging a deep hole. Sereda put the last shovels of dirt back on the grave when Alistair started carving a small wooden cross, she sat watching him, when he was finished the first light was shining through the clouds. They stood side by side with a silent farewell on their lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please don't hate me - I know a lot of you loved that dog...


	4. The morning after

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She had to leave ... had to run - and do what needs to be done.

  


Sereda woke up feeling feverish, her head was pounding, her eyes were itchy and she had a rotten taste in her mouth, she sat up and immediately felt her stomach turn. Sure, she hadn't had a drink last night. Her hands were shaking and her anger was back. She wanted to hit something. Hard.

  


She took the dress off she had selpt in, put her pants and tunic on and put the breastplate over her head. She grabbed her ax and went out to the training grounds, her company was already awake and sparring. She had overslept the meeting but maybe Alistair had too, it was early morning when they went to bed.

  


She rolled her shoulders, gripped her feet into the sand, her back was aching and that popping sensation in her shoulder was back. She made some halfhearted swings to warm up. This routine somewhat calmed her down a bit so she started concentrated and easy. A swing, a feint, a block, a swing from underhand up. A boy stood at the backside of the court and watched her. She knew he wanted to approach her but feared he might disturb her. She stopped for a small break and turned to him, pretending she needed water. She leaned to the wooden wall and turned to him, he was still admiring her ax with big golden-green eyes.

“That is a big one” he said, he must be around the age of four she guessed.

“Do you want to hold it?” she asked, turning towards him and turning the handle to him. He took a grip and she slid her hand down towards the blade – he was too young to fully support it's weight. At her height she was able to let it hover in the right angle and give him a feel for it.

His eyes were glowing and he smiled “can you show me?”

“sure, but lets fetch some training blades for that” she took his hand and they walked over to the dummies. There were several training weapons, she picked two wooden axes, and handed him one.

“place your hands here – no, not so close together, yeah, thats better” he picked the ax up and let it hover above his head. Sereda took the other one – holding it above her shoulder, she gazed towards him, he mimicked her movements. She stepped towards the dummy and let the axe fall towards it's center, as did the boy. 

“good – you're talented! You made it right from the start, put one leg behind and catch the impact” He was really good – at his young age he had a good feel for it. He tried again, she stood watching but jumped when she heard a female voice yelling “Duncan! Where are you? I told you the last time – when you run off again...”

The boy looked at her “I have to go. Thanks” he gave her a warm smile. 

Sereda looked after him as she realized what that woman had called him – Duncan – she just met Alistairs son. And she liked him. Her anger was back on an instant - while she was working the dummy she revisited the evening. Now she was chopping at the poor dummy and blowing hot air out of her nose, suddenly she threw the ax at the dummy beside her, her companion who must have joined her while she was in thoughts jumped back in fear of the sudden outburst. She ran up the stairs and into her room, rushed to her bag and got the smaller bag out in which she carried her letters. She had no idea why she packed them along with her usual correspondence in the first place but now she went on opening his letters, one after another, The wax seals broke easily, dried out from the years in her desk. She grabbed one per chance and opened it, and another… most of them were extremely short..

  


_Come back, we have to talk_

  


_Sereda, don't do that to me_

  


_Sereda, please_

  


she opened a longer one, telling from the color the paper had changed into, an older one, she read a passage

  


. _..I know you haven't answered any of my letters, I do hope though you read them. Please let me tell you it was a big mistake. I shouldn't have let you go._

_Anora is pregnant, but she has changed, she is distant. I'm lonely…_

  


she opened another short one

  


_Sereda, I love you_

  


This was all she could take. She curled up above the letter, tears wetting the paper. What had she done? All the time she just pampered her hatred, growing bitter, angry and violent. All her friends had left her, Leliana had gone soon after the Landsmeet, Wynne stayed back in the palace and moved to form a loge of mages, Sten went back home and even Zevran had stopped visiting her after 2 years. She hadn't seen Morrigan either but she knew she would disappear. Even the Wardens she recruited had moved from her, being distant. It was because she wasn't nice and pleasant anymore, all the softness had gone. How could he manage to talk to her after seeing what's become of her? Seemed like they both didn't stop thinking about each other and it was just fitting that he was still loving her and she was hating him. She let out a bitter loughter, rolled her shoulder back and stood up. Enough of it. 

  


Alistair had slept in, it has been late last night. He woke from a nightmare, they had grown more and more intense, he heard the Calling in them. He stood up, he wanted to talk to Sereda, about the dreams, the Blight, the Breach and how it all came together. After washing his face and getting dressed he went to her room – only to find it deserted. Maybe she was with her company? He went off to the lower quarters, the Wardens were also gone. _she didn't..._

He ran back to her room to search it, she had left a letter and her pendant on the nightstand.

  


_Alistair,_

_I had to leave, I'm sorry. I know what you want from me, it's about the Calling and it's connection to the Breach – I thought about it too. I received a letter from Weisshaupt calling for my men to come._

_I guess we both hear it – don't give in to it, please. Something's wrong, it can't be the next Blight, it sounds different. Please try to remember what it felt like – it's not the same this time._

_I'm off to Skyhold, I heard the new formed Inquisition has settled there – I'll see what I can do._

_You can contact me ~~I promise I'll read your letters from now on~~ I'll write as soon as I arrive._

_I'm sorry for everything I did to you, you deserve better. You have done right and it was my fault I couldn't accept it. I was wrong._

  


_I hate writing letters and I'll regret that later, but_

  


_Alistair, I love you and I always have._

  


_Sereda_

  


He let go of his breath he didn't know he was holding and sat back on her bed. He didn't know if he should be happy or sad. He read it again, she wrote that she still loved him – his heart started beating faster – but why did she leave then?

And what was that crossed out thing? He turned the letter over into the light to see the traces in the paper. She never opened one of his letters? Why? … She was hurt, he dumped her because he couldn't imagine being married and having a love affair, he thought she understood back then, not the moment she screamed at him and ran off but later that eveneing she talked him into that gross ritual and at the Landsmeet she seemed to accept his decision, she was calm, all business.

Or maybe she didn't... she ordered him to do this ritual with Morrigan, she was rebuilding the Wardens – all out of her sense of duty. But inside he knew she must have felt the same, waking up to a nightmare he knew she was having, too. His bed cold because Anora never agreed to sleep in the same room. It got better for him after they had Duncan, Anora didn't want him so Duncan always slept at his fathers side and he felt less lonely, having someone to love. But she hadn't such luck.

He lowered the letter to grab the pendant. It was the one she was wearing yesterday and it looked pretty worn, she wore it often, maybe everyday, it was scraped and the silver darkened at the corners that didn't rub against fabric or skin. He turned it around to find there was no gem in it, it was bare silver, with a petal glossed into the middle. A wave of sorrow hit him as he recognized it was a petal of the rose, his rose, the one he gave her so many years back. He felt the knot in his stomach rise and a sob passed his lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, here's the point where I start changing what happened. I asked myself when Alistair is king and Loghain wasn't recruited - why the hell should this Stroud guy do the job when we have the Hero of Ferelden being a Warden? 
> 
> I'm not happy with the letter though - if you can do better, feel free to post it and I will change it :)


	5. To Skyhold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a short chapter - a journey with interruptions or things starting to get serious :)

Sereda and her company were in the street to Calenhad, it was five days ago they left Denerim. They entered a tavern that night to take a bath and sleep in a bed before they arrived to the Frostback Mountains. It would be an unpleasant journey this time of the year, a good nights sleep might help. They sat at a table when a tall man approached them, three men behind him. She could sense the taint, it must be another Warden. She stood up, smiling, greeting the man. He pulled his sword immediately hissing at her “You're the traitor! There's another Blight and you refuse to fight or send men!” He swung at her. Still confused she rose the tin dish from the table they were eating at to catch his blow. “it's not real!” she found herself shouting but drawing her ax. The four men started circling her and the two of her men. The guests at the tavern had stepped back to make place in the middle of the room.

She was still unsure what might come next and didn't attack, she stood there hoping the foreign Warden would stop. She wanted to reason him, but the thoughts were spinning in her head. He didn't. He made a second swing, she could now easily catch with her axe. She moved forwards to get some room, forcing the attacker back with some thrusts, catched another strike from his sword, catching the blade with the back of her ax, turning his sword up she made a half turn and landed a big blow on his shield. Her men came up behind the table and started fighting the men the attacker had brought with him. This had to end fast she had brought the fresh Recruits and they had no chance against experienced fighters. She had the advantage of being inside though, th bigger humans had trouble moving their swords around in here. He now had his shield up, waiting for her next move, she was circling him, searching for a hole in his defense and there it was, he crossed his feet rythmically when she forced him to turn. Making a few more steps and feints towards him she watched to get the rhythm down, when she had it she stroke a massive blow against his shield, knocking him off balance and made a quick half turn to force him move – as she had expected he followed, stumbling across his left foot, he lost his balance and couldn't counter her next massive swing, her ax going down above the shield and hitting his shoulder. He screamed as the heavy blade went in, severing his armor and the tendons below. He couldn't move his swordarm anymore and the fight was over quickly, as fear rose in the eyes of the foreign warden's men. One was able to run off, she killed the others.

The fight was over, she had no idea why it started and the innkeeper shook his head pointing out the door. She sighed _well, guess we are sleeping on the ground again_

  


She sent one of her men to Weisshaupt to inform the troups and the other back to Denerim to the Royal Palace. Something was wrong here. She guessed she could leave the road and draw less attention when she was alone.

She dismissed her plan of traveling to Skyhold, when they had already been searching her it might be no good idea to be where everybody was expecting her and she couldn't risk bringing a bulk of angry Wardens to Skyhold – she didn't know the Inquisition or their strength.

Stealth and moving unseen weren't exactly her skills so she didn't wonder it took only one day for a spy being on her track – and when she recognized it, he must be close, she made camp in an abandoned cave, dropped her bag, lay her ax beside her and waited. It took only a few minutes for her to hear breaking twigs and a woman clearing her throat. She couldn't see her but she spoke calm and loud

“Lady Sereda Aeducan?” Sereda didn't answer

“I'm here to get you to Skyhold, you're in danger. My Name is Marian Hawke” The woman stepped out from behind a tree, Daggers in their sheaths and arms outstretched, with a disarming smile on her face.

Alistair had mentioned Hawke had contacted him – seems he had sent her a message she was on her way. Sereda decided to trust the woman – she could have killed her a day ago and obviously didn't.

“Nice to meet you, heard a lot of you – you're the Champion of Kirkwall, aren't you?”

“Ah, stop it, I hate titles … Hero of Ferelden” she smirked

“Alright” Sereda smiled back as good as she could “I had an encounter in a tavern – do you know anything about it? Why are there other Wardens accusing me of being a traitor? What is this all about?” Sereda guessed it was about the fake Calling and the order from the First Warden to assemble which she objected.

Hawke looked at her “I think you are on the road for some time now? You didn't come right from Weisshaupt, did you?”

“Yes, I went to Denerim first and from there on my way to the Frostback Mountains after one day spent in Denerim, so it's at least a week and a half since I've been in my office in the base in Ferelden”

“Almost all Wardens in Thedas have disappeared, only few left – I had heard it seems they hear the Calling – you don't hear it?”

“I do, but I think it's ..wrong, it doesn't feel right – I remember how the dreams felt back at the fifth blight – I assured the Wardens under my command that there's something wrong and it's not a true Calling – most of them never had a real tainted dream”

Hawke nodded in silence “I guess the Wardens in Orlais hadn't had the last Blights dreams? They were too far away?” she continued after a while

“Yeah, might be – I don't know... I never was that far away, I joined right in the epicenter of it and it kind of followed me. … So you think they take it for real?” 

“It's just speculation” Hawke shrugged. 

They stood in silence, regathering what they had heard

“We need to find them.” Hawke said with a dark tone “I fear they are lost”

Sereda nodded “you did look in Anderfels for them? They were still there when I left. A lot of talking, but we had it under control, they believed me”

“Sure, no one there...maybe you should keep hiding, I'm sure the message of your arrival would spread fast and when they attacked you on the road maybe they will send after you. I will go get the Inquisitor her, can you hide until we arrive?

  


Sereda narrowed her eyes, she never met this woman before, she seemed brilliant, no question, but she didn't know her. On the other hand Alistair had spoken of her and he seemed to trust her. For this one time she would rely on her newly gained trust on him and stay here.

  


Alistair grew impatient, he received messages from Skyhold, one from Hawke and one from the Commander. But none from Sereda and Hawke missed out to tell him if she was able to get to her. No one spoke of her. Did she disappear somehow? Has she been captured on the journey? _Or even worse, was she dead?_

He wrote a letter to the Inquisition asking if she ever appeared. He received an answer from Leliana – it surprised him and he wondered how she got into the Inquisition. At least he could be sure she wouldn't lie to him. Her letter was cryptic. She wrote about the Inquisition wanting to investigate the Wardens who were under the influence of weird magic or something like that – he didn't get the details. But as far as he understood, Sereda was meant to help. 

He rubbed his temples. She promised to write, why didn't she?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so I took some liberties in the timeline and the conversations here because I think grumpy Sereda didn't know Hawke and I had to bring them together somehow.  
> 


	6. The Inquisition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sereda meets the Inquisitor and her party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted this to be a short one, but I got carried away with the dialogues (I wanted them to meet), hope you have as much fun with them as I had ;)

Sereda had been able to hide in a cave and not get the turned Wardens find her. She had plenty of time to write, there was one person she should write to and could risk to do so - but she couldn't manage to find the right words, she started over again as she heard footsteps in the entrance to the cave.

She hid as best as she could, ready to defend if they finally got to her. She relaxed as she heard Hawke's voice along with the chatting of others. She turned the key and opened the door, a small group was standing in front of her. A tall and slender woman with two Daggers on her back, a well groomed mage with dark hair and a dark complexion, a serious looking woman, maybe a templar, with short dark hair and an incredibly attractive dwarf with a crossbow. Hawke introduced them, adressing the woman with the daggers first

“Inquisitor, this is Sereda Aeducan, Hero of Ferelden”

“It's an honor to meet you” the blond woman said. Sereda nodded and bowed.

“Sereda, this is the Inquisitor, Evelyn Trevelyan. This is Cassandra, Seeker and founder of the Inquisition. These are Dorian of house Pavus and Varric Tethras.” Sereda smiled towards the dwarf, who nodded slightly

  


The Inquisitor started asking questions about the other Wardens, the Calling and a Magister called Corypheus – she feared she wasn't much of a help. She heard about that Magister, she spoke about him with Hawke, but she never met him in person, she knew the Wardens in Orlais kept him captured for a while. This Inquisitor seemed to be a nice woman, Sereda grew to like her, she was full of concern about people she didn't really know personally. Evelyn told Sereda Corypheus had attacked Haven, after the Temple of Sacred Ashes had been destroyed and the Inquisition had formed in the small village. Evelyn said he had an archdemon by his side

“No, that can't be an archdemon, why should it obey the Magister?” Sereda had never heard of an archdemon being under control

“Well, maybe it's just a dragon? But how does he control it then?”

“Corypheus is connected to the Blight, maybe that is how he controls it… and maybe it's him who controls the Wardens – you said they are connected to the Blight too.” Hawke turned to Sereda

Evelyn shook her head “I don't get it – how does he do it?”

“Well, the Wardens are connected to the Blight, we can sense Darkspawn and the Archdemon is calling for the Darkspawn, we hear it, we can withstand it for some time but sooner or later we hear the Calling, it starts with dreams but the song becomes louder time after time until it's so loud you cannot bear it. At that point a Warden goes into the Deep Roads to die fighting” … 

“So all the Wardens hear that Calling now? Corypheus planted it in their heads?” Evelyn asked, concerned “So the Wardens are making a last, desperate attack on the Darkspawn?”

“Warden Commander Clarel proposed some drastic things – blood magic and such – to prevent further Blights before we die. The first Warden agreed but I protested. I traveled to Denerim before the next order arrived. They sent guards after me and … well, here I am. The Wardens are gathering in the Western Approach, there is an old Tevinter Ritual Tower. I think I'm I'm going to investigate.”

“Let our troups do that, you can come to Skyhold until we leave. You'll be safe there.” the Inquisitor offered.

“Thank you, I will come, let me just gather my stuff – don't want to leave traces”

  


Evelyn and her company left but Hawke stayed, helping her leave the cave visibly untouched.

“That Varric guy – he's very ...unusual – do you know him?” Sereda asked Hawke, who began loughing out loud

“Yeah, I know him – but be assured, there's no room for another woman in his life” Hawke chuckled

“I didn't mean, … I ...” Sereda felt herself blushing

“It's the chest hair, isn't it?”

Sereda went another shade of darker red and grew silent.

  


They packed the little stuff Sereda had in the cave, Hawke rolling up her bedroll and Sereda folding and packing her paperwork, ashamed Hawke might find her unfinished letters. She sure liked her, her easy tone, her wit, her singing voice, she felt she found a friend – but she knew Hawke wouldn't feel the same – she knew herself good enough to know she was an uneasy person. 

“Oh, I almost forgot” Hawke held out a letter “It's from Weisshaupt, it arrived in Skyhold when I was there”

  


Sereda broke the seal and started reading – it was her second commander, telling her the whole company had been called off to Orlais by Warden Commander Clarel. She stood shocked, thinking.

“Crap. Seems the moment I left them they decided to join the others. So far for my leading abilities”

“Then let's hurry, we might stop all this before they arrive there” Hawke said with her usual light voice.

  


The journey to Skyhold was a short one – she must have been near at her first attempt.

  


And they did hurry, only stopping for rest when there was no other opportunity. It was exhausting but it stopped Sereda from thinking too much about the drink she needed so much. Her head was throbbing, her hands were shaking and even when they arrived the outer rim of the Mountains she felt cold sweat all over her body. She forced herself to push through. When the the night fell upon them, Hawke stopped “Lets rest here until tomorrow morning, climbing snowy mountains is dangerous in the dark and... you look like you need some rest”

“I do, but more than that I need a drink” She whispered.

“I saw it. Would you like to talk about it?” Hawke rested her back to a rock and looked Sereda straight into the eyes, a comforting smile on her face.

She merely knew the woman but she couldn't stop herself from liking her, she reminded her of someone she trusted a lot, and sharing those moments with him weeks back made her open up somehow.

  


“Well I fucked it up and it keeps haunting me”

“And the long story? I heard stories of you and the new king having … an affair? Is that true?”

“It was. And I was stupid. I loved him, right from the start, he was everything I never had, warm, nice, funny. I knew better but I couldn't help falling for him. It was heaven as long as it lasted”

She stopped, she felt a knot in her stomach, Hawke sat silent, still looking at her with her soft smile, reassuring her

“The inevitable happened, he was heir to the throne, he already told me and when it came to the Landsmeet I talked him into becoming king, I knew he was the right man for it, he was kind, he knew normal peoples troubles, he was brave.” Her voice trembled but she wanted to get it out “The person he was, I should have known it, but he dropped me back then, he did not want to betray a woman who just married him out of business, he wanted a heir I wasn't able to give him”

Hawke crawled over to her bag, got a bottle out and sat down next to Sereda “ I saw it and I thought it would be better for you to get through it, but now I feel, you need it” she offered the bottle “Thanks” Sereda grabbed it and took a sip “There was a bright side, it made it easier to talk him into sleeping with my best friend, Morrigan. Morrigan had offered a possibility for both of us to live on – and we needed that – he needed to rule, I had to rebuilt the Grey Wardens. Morrigan had a ritual prepared to … produce ... a child to take the old god's soul, so none of us had to die. Apparently I couldn't do it so he had to. It was all disaster – I had to leave and I was angry and sad but I had to work on and drinking somehow helped me to get a nights rest and go on.”

Hawke had placed a hand on her shoulders “You still love him.”

They sat silent the rest of the night, Sereda must have slept away. She woke to the sound of Hawke sharpening her daggers. 

  


Back in the Frostback Mountains it felt like coming home, somehow. Though Sereda never set foot into Orzammar again, it was a strange feeling. Her hands were shaking again and she told herself it was because of the cold, and not because she hadn't had as much alcohol as she would normally. They climbed a pass and there it stood. By the stone it was big! She had imagined it to be a small ruin, a crumbled tower but this was a huge fortress, easy to defend her strategic mind told her.

  


The guards at the gates greeted them, obviously informed about their arrival. Hawke lead her to a guest room and left her. While she unpacked a woman came in to fill a tub and left some towels behind. Sereda took the opportunity and took a bath. Clean and relaxed she left her room drawing a small map in her head to find it again when she was done discovering the fortress. She walked along the battlements, gazing into the fading sunlight. A beautiful place. But terribly cold. She continued her way through some towers, most abandoned but when she opened the door to the next one, she stumbled into an office

“Oh, sorry” she blushed and turned to leave

“Wait!” She heard a deep, vibrating voice and stared into the dark until her eyes had adjusted to the dim light inside. There was a tall man behind a cluttered desk, pale, light haired in a voluminous cloak and a full breastplate underneath. She didn't know him.

“You're the hero of Ferelden!” 

she sighed “please, call me Sereda”

“We met before, at the circle...” the man in the tower office stuttered, pain flushing his face. 

“by the stone!” Maybe it was the expression on his face but she finally remembered the templar, he was the one assigned to execute the Magi if they were to fail their Harrowing and become abominations. The one who thought her to be an illusion while he was held in magical prison, tortured by Uldred. “Um, I'm sorry – yes, I remember – I'm glad to see you're well – what are you doing here?”

“I'm commander of the Inquisition forces”

“Impressive! At your age! How came?”

“I was Knight Captain at Kirkwall – after the Rebellion I gathered what was left of the templars and we tried to restore order. I met Seeker Pentaghast back then and she recruited me for the Inquisition” 

She couldn't believe it, this man seemed to be in the eye of the storm all the time but he seemed to be steady, calm and self-controlled. It made her feel ridiculous bathing in her pity. “I'm ...well...wow! That's impressive and … I'm glad you made it through all of this, you're a brave man.” she took a deep breath “well I'll leave you alone now, sorry to disturb you”

“Wait, go to the top of the big tower right hand the main hall – I think you might find something there” he smiled at her and she stumbled out.

  


It took a while for her to regather her thoughts, she took the stairs back down in the courtyard to avoid stumbling into someone again. After a few deep breaths she decided to go to the tower to solve that little puzzle, she climbed the stairs into the main hall and found the handsome dwarf, Varric, standing on the right wall at a table.

“Excuse me – where do I find the entrance to the tower?”

“right through this door” Varric grinned “soooo…. I did some research, nice to meet you again, Paragon Aeducan”

She slapped a hand to her face “oh, no, please!”

Varric chuckled “easy, grumpy. I'm neither a distant relative nor an admirer. I just wanted to know who you are. I'm born in the marches and I don't care much for dwarven society”

“I see” she nodded her chin toward the missing beard “I've never seen a dwarf without a beard … ah, a male dwarf ..I mean ...it… suits you” He laughed out loud “Yeah I think a beard wouldn't fit your face – a beautiful face if I'm allowed to add” A charming smile enlightened his face and caused Sereda to blush “How about a drink at the tavern?” 

“You have your own tavern within Skyhold?”

“Sure, we need a place to play cards” Varric winked at her

“Um, sure, why not… till later then?”

Varric nodded, opened the door at his side and said with a slight bow “I think you wanted something in there”

She stumbled through the short corridor only to find herself in a perfectly round room with beautifully painted walls. The Elf working there looked concentrated so she decided not to disturb him. She found the staircase leading up the tower. At the top she found herself in the library, a pretty small library. The mage she had encountered in Crestwood sat in a big chair and looked up from his book.

“Ah, you come for a good book? I didn't expect you to be the reading type” he smirked down at her

“Um, well, I do read but I came here because the Commander told me I would find something here under the roof of the tower”

The mage looked puzzled “There is nothing but Lelianas crows up there, but maybe he sent you for me? I'm something worth looking at” he let his hands glide over his body and winked at her

“Well, can't argue that” she winked back at him “...wait – Leliana? THE Leliana?”

“Yeah, pretty blonde, likes to act mysterious” he nodded but Sereda couldn't see it as she was running up the stairs. There was nothing but birdcages and hooded men walking around.

She turned towards one of the men “Excuse me, where can I find Leliana?”

“Oh, she's awaiting you at the War Table” he grabbed her elbow and guided her through the Fortress.

Shyly she knocked at the giant door and entered after she heard them call her in. Evelyn, the Commander and two other women, one with a big hood disguising her face, the other in a silly golden and blue dress, were already gathered around a big wooden table with a giant map on it. Evelyn waved her to her side, they were talking about the next step to their plan and Sereda was simply listening as Evelyn told them what they had talked about. The hooded woman and the Commander argued about how to approach the Ritual Tower she had told them of. Sereda interrupted their argument and offered her service. They agreed she should check it out and take Hawke with her.

When everything was settled Evelyn ended the meeting and the hooded woman grabbed her shoulder, turning her around. The others were already on their way out when the woman shrugged back her hood and smiled at her - “Leliana!” recognizing her old friend, Sereda hugged Leliana, awkwardly, with one arm and being to small to reach her shoulders she had to go for her waist. Leliana hadn't expected it but immediately knelt down to hug Sereda back. “You have changed – I didn't recognize you” Sereda mumbled in the fabric of Lelianas hood “why are you with the Inquisition now?” 

“That's a long story” Leliana said.

“I want to hear it, please, tell me”

They walked down the main hall back into the tower. When they reached the top, Leliana sat back on a bench against the stone wall, Sereda settled down beside her. Sereda was curious, she had changed so much, she was a different person. All the excitement, the loud and light voice, the glowing eyes were gone. Even her armor seemed to have grown in weight, she had half expected her to wear pretty dresses and fine shoes when she was in the safety of the fortress.

They spend the afternoon talking about their past and joking about the days they spent together. When Seredas stomach grumbled Leliana left her to get something to eat and continue her work.

  


Sereda headed for the tavern, when she entered the warm room, bathed in firelight she saw Varric already at a table mindlessly flipping through cards.

“You're early, grumpy”

“stop calling me grumpy”

“stop being grumpy then. Have a drink and put a smile on, I'm sure you can do that” he grinned at her

She ordered a beer and a meal and sat next to him, avoiding to sit with her back against the room

Varric lifted his mug “cheers” “soooo, you want a new nickname? Usually I don't do that, but maybe I can think of something for my grumpy princess when you tell me more about yourself?” He grinned, failing his attempt to look innocent.

She swallowed “My life's public – what can I tell you you don't already know?”

“give it a try or settle with _grumpy_ ”

“ok, how about I hated being _princess_ even more than being Warden commander?”

“go on” he waved his arm

“I guess you're familiar with the monarchy in Orzammar? My father was the ninth ruler elected from our house and I was the middle child, I had two brothers – my older Brother Trian was heir to the throne. I was supposed to be married strategically and I think my father thought Bhelen to become a great politician and a big influence in the Noble Assembly.” she drew her attention to her food again

“Well, telling from that big ax of yours you weren't the kind for knitting needles and pretty dresses” Varric chuckled

“True, I loved fighting, I went to the Provings as early as I could – the first time I had to lie about my age and hide my face with a giant helmet. Never did that again, looks like when you wear a helmet to cover your face, you can't see your opponent, got me some big bruises and the rage of my father. I wanted a military career but things got complicated fast.” she cleaned the plate with the last chunk of bread

“So, this is how you became a Warden? Interesting, you have to tell us” Varric said, glancing towards the door, when a man with an impressive beard came in, followed by Hawke and the mage she met in Crestwood who hushed the commander in. Varric stood up and went to the bar. The mage bowed elegantly “We already met, Dorian's the name, in case you forgot – I brought the commander, a little birdy told me, you know each other? And this is Blackwall – he's a Warden too and awefully nervous to meet you” Dorian grinned and sat down opposite of her, stretching his feet under the table and leaning back in the chair

Varric returned with six pints of beer “I told them, we had a date” he raised an eyebrow which made her blush instantly “hope you don't mind?”

“um, ah, no it's fine”

“You were about to tell us how you became a Warden” Varric mentioned

Sereda sipped from her beer and sighed “Well. There was a feast to celebrate my appointment as commander. My father somehow invited some Grey Wardens, Duncan with them. I got kind of excited and bombarded him with questions”

Blackwall nodded “Wardens can inspire people”

“ My father send me along with some others nobles and my brothers to an expedition in the newly rediscovered part of the Aeducan Thaig. We were to retrieve the Family Shield. When we entered the chamber we suspected it to be in, there was a group of mercenaries in there who attacked us. Here is where I made my second mistake, the leader had my brother Trians Ring on him, I didn't give it a second thought, I guessed he paid them to get the shield and they didn't know me. First mistake was to not tell anybody Bhelen told me, Trian was about to get me out of the way because the Noble Assembly might possibly chose me over him. That wouldn't happen and I simply thought he wanted us to fight.  Stupid.  After the incident with the mercenaries we got back to the meeting point to find … Trian lying dead. I tried to revive him, when I saw it was too late I panicked and started pacing. Bhelen arrived with my father's party and accused me of ki l ling Trian. Two nobles  testified  to eyewitness my murder. To make it short, I was sent into the Deep Roads to die. Gorin remembered me of Duncan and I managed to find them, thats when he recruited me.”

“shit, what a story!” Dorian emptied his mug “Did you ever go back?”

“Yes, I had to get help for the war. As a Warden I was able to reenter the city.  I was officially casteless so I wouldn't be able to otherwise. ”

“Did you speak with your brother again?” Varric asked

“Yes, he stayed true to his version of the story – I helped Harrowmont claim the throne, got an army and left.”

“so you don't want to return?” Dorian asked

“I have no desire to, maybe I should have helped Gorim back. He was with me and was exiled to the surface, I met him later in Denerim. I feel like he missed it, and we were close once – he even brought that family shield and gave it to me.”

“Have you kept it?” a voice came out of the shadow, Sereda forgot Hawke was there, in the corner on the far end of the table.

Sereda paused “No. I gave it to Alistair.”

  


“I think I need to get some sleep now” she stood up and headed for the bar to pay her tap and get a bottle of brandy.

_ Great, this woman must have a really good opinion on my character.  Really, the first person to know ALL the mistakes I've made is someone I barely know _

  


She returned to her room to find a bundle of letters on her desk. She sighed and sat down to answer them. 3 Orders to her base and 4 pleas from the nobility later – and half the bottle – she found a letter from King Therein.

_ Crap. I promised to write … and I left that damn emotional outburst _

S he answered it, but kept it formal.  _ Who knows who's going to read this _

  


She woke to a short night of bad dreams, it was early. She got up and walked down into the courtyard to watch the soldiers train.


	7. The Ritual Tower

Sereda, Hawke and the Inquisitor with her little party arrived together at the pillars siding the entrance to the tower. 

Sereda turned to the Inquisitor “I'm glad you made it, Evelyn. I fear they've already started the ritual”

“It has to be Blood Magic. I hope we can stop them before more people get hurt.You take point. I'll guard your backs.” Hawke let them pass through, following behind.

They heard a scream and began running, entering the scene of a young Warden directing a demon to side with his companions. A mage was standing in front of the small Warden-demon-army

“Inquisitor. What an unexpected pleasure. Lord Livius Erimond of Vyrantium, at your service.” the dark haired mage said.

“You are no Warden” Sereda pointed out, sensing where this was going

“But you are. The one Clarel let slip. And you found the Inquisitor and came to stop me. Shall we see how that goes?” he started pacing and puffed his chest arrogantly.

Evelyn snapped at him “It looks like you've already done some of my work for me.”

“what, him? We simply needed his blood. Oh were you hoping to garner sympathy? Maybe make the Wardens feel a bit of Remorse? Wardens, Hands Up” he commanded, and the Wardens followed, one motion, machine-like.

“Corypheus has taken their minds, the are bound to his will” Sereda whispered

“They did this to themselves. You see, the Calling had the Wardens terrified. They looked everywhere for help.”

Sereda was already boiling inside, spatting out “Tevinter” as he continued to talk – arrogant people like him could never stop talking “Yes and since it was my master who put the Calling in their little heads, we in the Venatori were prepared. I went to Clarel full of sympathy, and together we came up with a plan… Raise a demon army, march into the Deep Roads, and kill the Old Gods before they wake.”

Evelyn turned to Sereda “Corypheus marching across Orlais with an army of demons? That was in the future I saw at Redcliffe.”

Erimond interrupted her “And now you know how it begins. Sadly for the Wardens, the binding ritual I taught their mages has a side effect. They're now my master's slaves.” He started pacing again “This was a test. Once the rest of the Wardens complete the ritual, the army will conquer Thedas.

Evelyn seemed to not understand all of this “So Corypheus influenced the Wardens and made them do this ritual?”

“Ha! Made them? No. Everything you see here? The Blood Sacrifices to bind the demons? The Wardens did it of their own free will. Fear is a very good motivator, and they were very afraid.”

Evelyn shook her head “Why would the Wardens try to kill the Old Gods?”

“A Blight happens when Darkspawn find an Old God and corrupt it into an Archdemon. If someone fought through the Deep Road and killed the Old Gods before they could be corrupted … poof! No more Blights. Ever. The Wardens sacrifice their lives and save the world. Although I fear history will remember them a little differently now.”

“Why would Clarel risk using demons?”Evelyn interrogated

“Demons need no food. No rest, no healing. Once bound, they will never retreat, never question orders. They are the perfect army to fight through the Deep Roads. Or across Orlais, now that they are bound to my master.

“Do you really want to see the world fall to the Blight? What do you get out of this? Now Evelyn was angry. Good. _I would have killed him right from the start, nothing good in talking to someone like this Erimond_

“ The Elder One commands the Blight. He is not commanded by it, like the mindless Darkspawn. The Blight is not unstoppable or uncontrollable. It is simply a tool.

“Somebody's certainly a tool.” the handsome dwarf noticed

“As for me: while the Elder One rules from the golden City, we, the Venatori, will be his god-knights here in the world.

“Release the Wardens from the binding and surrender. I won't ask twice.” Evelyn had to try, maybe she could get the poor men out of this.

“No. You won't.” Lord Erimond put his hand forward, wielding some magic. Evelyn fell to her knees the mark on her hand glowing and emitting green light, pulsing.

“The Elder One showed me how to deal with you, in the event you were foolish enough to interfere again.”

Evelyn had grabbed her left wrist and tried to control the pain. Sereda put her hand on Evelyns back and started drawing her ax “don't” Evelyn pressed so faint it was barely hearable.

“That mark you bear? The Anchor that lets you pass safely through the veil? You stole that from my master. He's been forced to seek other ways to access the Fade. When I bring him your head, his gratitude will be ...” Suddenly, Evelyn rose up to her feet, held the marked hand out and a string of green light erupted from it. When she drew the hand back she ripped something apart, Erimond fell and called out to the Wardens to kill them. 

The demons were first to approach them. Sereda swung at the first rage demon and made a lucky hit. She saw the templar woman charging two at a time while a mage attacked from the distance. Sereda hurried up, circling the demon and waiting for its charge to counter it, to steps and half a piroutte later she had the demon down. The mage, Dorian, had built a barrier around the templar woman and was assisting her, though his firestrikes werent't the best choice against ragedemons. Sereda yelled at him “use icespells, not fire, they are burning already!” he nodded casting an iceglyphe, freezing both demons. Hawke was jabbing into the Warden mage's back already so Sereda went to help the templar woman. She ran into the demon from behind, jumping the last steps and ramming her ax into it. It turned immediately to face her but she already had her waist bent to take a mighty swing. She could barely see Evelyn, she moved like shadow, backstabbing the demon she was fighting here only to disappear and cut the tendons of the mage who attacked Dorian. They made a pretty good team and were able to fight them off.

When the last demon died Hawke stepped beside Sereda “They refused to listen to reason.”

“Yeah, you were right. Through their ritual, the mages are slaves to Corypheus.”

“And the Warden Warriors?” Evelyn asked

“Of course. Sacrificed in the ritual. What a waste.” Hawke cringed.

Evelyn crossed her arms before her chest “Human sacrifice, demon summoning… who looks at this and thinks it's a good idea?”

“the fearful and the foolish.”when she heard the underlying despair in Hawkes voice she knew the woman had her ownshare of shadows.

“The Wardens were wrong, Hawke, but I think they had their reasons.” Sereda said, maybe to ease her own conscience. She felt guilty, insufficient

“All bloodmages do. Everyone has a Story they tell themselves to justify bad decisions… and it never matters. In the end, you are always alone with your actions.” there was enough hatred in Hawkes voice to make Sereda shudder.

Sereda went over it “I believe I know where the Wardens are, your Worship. Erimond fled in that direction. There's an abandoned Warden Fortress that way. Adamant.”

Hawke must have come to her mind and set their argument aside “Sereda and I will scout out Adamant and confirm that the other Wardens are there. We'll meet you there”

  


On their way to Adamant Sereda and Hawke walked side by side, silent for hours when suddenly Hawke spoke.

“Listen, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to blame you”

“No, you were right – they shouldn't have fallen for it and I did nothing to stop them, I should have seen it coming”

“hmpf, I think we all have to make our own mistakes and maybe not seeing disaster coming when it's right before your eyes is a common thing when it is about people you love” Hawke let her head hang low, again Sereda sensed there was more behind her words than she wanted to offer. She remembered their evening and her confession, she braced herself and asked “I guess there's more and maybe it helps to talk about it. If you want to, I'll listen”

Hawke shook her head and turned her face in a sad smile towards the dwarf “Maybe, another day”

  


It was a short walk from the Ritual tower to Adamant and they could see from far that it was manned. 

“Wait here” Hawke whispered and disappeared into a cloud of dust. 

_Great. Well I see I'm no sneaky person but this is ridiculous_

It didn't take long for Hawke to return, Sereda had settled down behind a big rock for shelter from the burning sun. “and...?”

“ The Wardens are in there, a lot of them and I've seen demons. We need to hurry, this isn't going to end well” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry long time no update - wanted to let you know I'm still writing, next chapter's a big one and still growing


	8. Adamant pt 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sereda wants to help fight the Wardens but it turns out that doesn't go that well

They had messages ready to send to the allies. When they returned to a Inquisition Camp they send birds off.

One after another the allies arrived, the camp grew. The Inquisitions own men and war machinery arrived.

They laid out plans and argued over tactics with Commander Cullen himself. They agreed on Hawke helping the troops on the battlements and Sereda accompany the Inquisitor. Evelyn herself was last to arrive with her party. The next morning they headed off to charge the fortress.

  
  


When the battering ram went in and the door burst open Sereda saw the Inquisitor go in securing the breached gate and left the line she was holding to defend the ram from above. Commander Cullen sent her in, they had to break the resistance on the battlements for the forces to gain foothold.

She closed the distance to the Party and chimed in to help Dorian who was casting a barrier but found himself attacked by a shade. She lunged forward and smashed her ax into it. _So far for Evelyns tactics. Never let a mage stand unprotected_

A pirouette and a heavy swing later the Shade was down with Dorians help.

On their way up they stumbled into a group of archers and two shades. Being no big help in dodging arrows Sereda ran towards the first archer in a massive, angry blow, knocking him off his feet. She hit him badly with the full length of her arm and went towards the demons to help Cassandra who was trying to keep them at bay. Somehow Evelyn had taken down the other archers in the meantime. 

They went on through the door, down to the Main Bailey, they heard voices from far off, Wardens, refusing to sacrifice themselves. Evelyn had already jumped down the staircase and into the fight. Sereda followed her, doing her best to keep the rebelling Wardens safe, putting herself between them and the spellbound men.

There were three spellbound Warden mages who had already bound demons, two archers and two soldiers, one being a Senior Warden. Evelyn headed for the mages first, Cassandra was keeping the demons away from her. Dorian put up a barrier and shooting fire at the archers. Varric went for the Soldiers, piercing their heavy plate with bolts. Sereda turned towards them to keep them busy. She walked sideways to force them to line up so she could deal with them one after another. Varric helped keeping the second behind his shield. She made a step, feinted to get her blade down to the ground. She knew the Wardens were taught to angle their shields and keep them relatively low to prevent fire, poison or acid splashing up. He was relatively big so he had to bend his knees. Aiming for his foot she ducked and swirled her blade around. The blade severed the foot straight off. The Warden screamed in pain and let his shield fall to the ground, stumbling. Sereda aimed for the head to end him. She half expected the next one to step back in fear, but he didn't. Varric stopped shooting at him and she began making a lot of light and short swings at him to keep him busy, he concentrated on her and followed her turn, only to give Varric time to place a shot in his armpit, it went in deep, he started spatting blood. Again she charged at his lowered defense when suddenly Evelyn appeared behind him and cut his throat.

Now the rebelling Wardens stood against them, they were afraid. “back off – we won't fight you, fall back to safety” Sereda shouted at them, not wanting to lose the few left unbound Wardens. They backed off and Evelyn went on, running up the stairs to the battelements, obviously to clear the siege points. There was a battle around the first ladder they came upon. Casssandra took care of the rage demon so it was no big deal to fight the archers and shield bearers off.

The second siege point was bigger and occupied by some spellbinders, a pride demon and a despair demon. Dorian dropped a barrier instantly and while Evelyn ran into the fight they saw Hawke coming from the other side. Cassandra was already off, heading towards the pride demon. _Great, I should talk a word or two to Evelyn about tactics._ Now I'm the one left to protect Dorian and Varric, would've been better to let Cassandra do that. Sereda charged at two archers hiding behind a crate and shooting at them. She took them out easily to have Dorian place a barrier on Evelyn who had a hard time fighting off the despair demon which was fleeing her constantly. Sereda waved at her and she got the hint, directing the demon fleeing into Sereda. When it was near she hit a massive strike in it's back, making it dizzy. Dorian must have seen it and cast a fire explosion. Meanwhile Hawke had taken down three archers on higher positions, so there were two shield bearers and the pride demon left. Cassandra was still taking up its attention, though there was a cut above her brow and she was bleeding out of her nose and a split lip. Sereda decided to help her and let the others take care of the men. Cassandra was able to dodge most of the demons attacks but had a hard time breaking his block. While the Seeker kept its attention Sereda had time for a big strike, she aimed for the backsides of the knees, causing it to topple over and stumble forward. That gave Cassandra advantage to break through it's block. It turned around, swinging two big whips of lightning at her. The enegry went right through her, white flashes in her eyes and pain ripping through her muscles. She wasn't able to move, her muscles cramping, she was dizzy. The demon raised his arms to smash her, Hawke must have seen it and intervened, jumping with both daggers to it's back while Dorian raised a barrier around Hawke to prevent greater damage when the demon slapped at her. Varric placed a well aimed shot at the demon's eye, blinding it for a few seconds. Evelyn sliced through the tendons in its leg, causing it to fall down. After a few heartbeats Sereda had her strength back and striked for its head. That was it, it fell down.

Evelyn seemed to fear the loss of soldiers, she told Hawke to help them keep the battlements. _Nice move but I fear we could need her help_

After they cleared the battlements, they went down two flights of stairs to enter the main courtyard. They stumbled right ahead into Clarel, speaking to the Wardens “Wardens, we are betrayed by the very world we have sworn to protect”

The mage they had encountered at the Ritual Tower, Erimond stepped beside her “The Inquisition is inside, Clarel. We have no time to stand on ceremony!”

Clarel argued with him, obviously not pleased by him “These men and women are giving their lives, Magister. That might mean little in Tevinter, but for the Wardens, it is a sacred duty.” She turned towards a Warden behind her

Clarel called out for an elven woman who knelt in front of her, Clarel stepped behind her and cut her throat, mumbling something.

When they entered the middle of the yard, Erimond walked forward “Stop them” We must complete the ritual!” The Wardens in front of them turned and Evelyn stepped forward, signaling them to halt “Clarel, if you complete that ritual, you're doing exactly what Erimond wants.” she was angry but somehow she hoped to turn the tide. Before Clarel could answer, Erimond turned to her “What, fighting the Blight? Keeping the world safe from Darkspawn? Who wouldn't want that? And yes, the ritual requires blood sacrifice. Hate me for that if you must, but do not hate the Wardens for doing their duty.”

Clarel sounded concerned “We make the sacrifices no one else will. Our warriors die proudly for a world that will never thank them” She seemed to believe this, Sereda couldn't stop herself and yelled at her “ And then your Tevinter ally binds the mages to Corypheus!” Somehow she seemed to have reached Clarel, she looked astonished “Corypheus? But he's dead.” Erimond must have seen it too “These people will say anything to shake your confidence, Clarel.” Clarel stopped, pinched her nose and shut her eyes, Sereda was holding her breath, she hoped they could stop them without shedding blood. Then Clarel sighed “bring it through.” 

The warden mages started ripping at the rift in the courtyard, the warriors approaching them. 

Now Hawke stepped in front of them, trying to reason with the Wardens “Please, I have seen more than my share of blood magic! It's never worth the cost!” She was right, Sereda stepped beside Hawke “I trained half of you myself! Do not make me kill you to stop this madness!” they had to try.

On the balkony, Erimond spoke to Clarel “Be ready with the ritual, Clarel. This demon is truly worthy of your strength.” 

Again, Evelyn tried to reason with Clarel “The Grey Wardens have a proud history! You stopped the Blight at the Silent Plains. At Starkhaven … and Hunter Fell. At Ayesleigh … and Denerim” she turned to Sereda, looking at her, then returned to Clarel “ This world owes you a debt it can never repay. I would not stand against you if I did not KNOW you were being misuse.” This time she must have touched something in their hearts, the Wardens turned toward Clarel, Clarel herself turned to Erimond, who tried to reassure her “Clarel, we have come so far. You're the only one who can do this.”

“Perhaps we could test the truth of these charges, to avoid more bloodshed.”

“Or perhaps I should bring in a more reliable ally” Erimond spat, and turning to Evelyn he said “ My master thought you might come here, Inquisitor! He sent me this to welcome you!” he stomped his staff at the stones.

From far they could see a dragon flying by, it quickly came near, flew over the fortress and spat fire into the courtyard. Evelyn managed to dodge it by jumping behind a stack of building wood, but it flew a circle and returned, landing on one of the towers, Erimond comanding it. While he turned his back to Clarel she seemed to get to her mind and backed away in terror, she hesitated and then attacked Erimond with a burst of energy. Erimond fell to the floor and Clarel turned towards the dragon, attacking it too. Erimond was at her feet, begging her. When she turned her gaze towards him, the dragon spat fire towards her, she could barely jump to the side, the fire still catching her robe. She rolled out of the way and turned towards Evelyn, demanding her to help her. Clarel went after Erimond up to the battelements. They were to stay in the courtyard and tried to follow her, but demons stepped in their way, so Clarel was much faster and ran out of sight. When they reached the corridor, the dragon reappeared, spitting fire into the hallway and forcing them to stop and hide. Another group of demons and a flight of stairs later the reached the top of the fortress, Clarel facing Erimond. He cast fire against her but she seemed to be in control of herself again, raising a barrier “You! You've destroyed the Grey Wardens!” knocking him down. Coming up to his knees he seemed to think he could still win this, laughing at her “You did that to yourself, you stupid bitch. All I did was dangle a little power before your eyes. And you couldn't wait to get your hands bloody!” She attacked him with a massive strike of lightning, sent him slipping along the stones, he curled up, merely whispering “You could have served a new god” she was standing tall behind his back “I will never serve the Blight”

Sereda watched in terror as the dragon came flying by, catching her, carrying her away and tossing her mangled body to the ground. Then it turned his massive head towards Evelyn, down from the tower, crwaling nearer and over Clarels body. Sereda could bearely hear her “In war, victory… in peace, vigilance...” Clarel burst out another massive lightning into the dragons underside, causing it to entangle itself, sliding towards the crumbled wall and with a whirl of legs and wings crushing the stones underneath them, the bridged wall starting to collapse. They started running but it was too late. The stones gave way under their feet. 

Sereda wasn't able to see what happened, she found herself falling into a green glow and hit the floor, not nearly as hard as she should have, given the height of the fortress. Plus, she couldn feel, hear or see stones falling onto her, she counted that as positive. Slowly getting to her feet she looked around, there was nothing around her, wasteland. “where are we?” she asked, half to herself. When she turned she saw Evelyn standing on the .. wall that was to her right and Hawke on the Wall to the left. They were standing on the ground, but turned to their side, the mere sight gave Sereda a headache. While she was still thinking about where the floor was, Hawke started mumbling “we were falling. … When this is the afterlife, the chantry owes me an apology. This looks nothing like the maker's bosom.” _The green light around them, the emptyness, the green flash they fell through, the twisted physics… she had been here before!_ “No. Evelyn used the mark to open another rift. We fell through. I believe, we are … in the Fade.” Painful memories of her last time in the Fade came upon her, she hoped most of them would be able to withstand the temptations.

“The Fade looked much different the last time I was here.” Hawke mentioned, still gathering her thoughts “perhaps it's because we're physically here, instead of just dreaming. _Oh, great so we can become abominations right away … But maybe when Hawke was in the Fade too, she knew what was awaiting them and could withstand?_ ” Hawke turned to Evelyn, sideways and up, Seredas head wanted to explode “The stories say you walked out of the Fade in Haven. Was it like this?” Evelyn shook her head “I don't know. I still can't remember what happened the last time I did this.” Hawke shrugged it off “Well, whatever happened at Haven, we can't assume we're safe now. That huge demon was right on the other side of that rift Erimond was using, and there could be others.” Sereda liked her practical thinking and started to think about a solution herself. “In our world, the Rift the demons came through was nearby. In the main hall. Can we escape the same way?” 

“It sounds like our best option.“ Evelyn said after glancing up toward the false sky with the breach in it. Evelyn walked off, the others following her, the area seemed empty so far, they went around a big rock and up some stairs. At the far wall stood a woman “By the maker, could that be..?” What ever it was that looked like the Divine said “I greet you, Warden. And you, Champion. “ with a strange, brassy voice. Cassandra walked in front of her “Divine Justinia? Most Holy?” Evelyn turned to her “Cassandra, you knew the Divine. Is it really her?” Cassandra stuuttered “I… I don't know. It is said the souls of the dead pass through the Fade and sometimes linger, but… we know the spirits lie. Be wary, Inquisitor” Sereda shook her head “No, I fear the Divine is indeed dead. It is likely we face a spirit … or a demon.” The woman adressed them “You think my survival impossible, yet here you stand alive in the Fade yourselves. In truth, proving my existence either way would require time we do not have”

Hawke was suspicious “Really? How hard is it to answer one Question? I'm human, and you are…?” 

“I am here to help you” the woman said “You do not remember what happened at the Temple of Sacred Ashes, Inquisitor.”

Evelyn narrowed her eyes “The real Divine would have no way of knowing that I'd been made Inquisitor.”

“I know because I have examined memories like yours, stolen by the demon that serves Corypheus. It is the nightmare you forget upon waking. It feeds off memories of fear and darkness, growing fat upon the terror. The false Calling that terrified the Wardens into making such grave mistakes? Its work”

Sereda was sure now, this wasn't the Divine, but maybe a helpful ghost, she gripped her ax tight “I would gladly avenge the terror that Nightmare inflicted upon my fellows. Show me where it is so I can cut it's head off”

“You will have your chance, brave Warden. This place of Darkness is its lair.” the ghost said.

“Corypheus seems to have a lot of demons at his disposal. How does he command so many?” Evelyn seemed to try to understand what was behind all this, she always wanted to know everything Sereda smiled.

“I know not how he commands his army of demons. His power may come from the Blight itself. But the Nightmare serves willingly, for Corypheus has brought much terror to this world. He was one of the Magisters who unleashed the first Blight upon the world, was he not? Every child's cry as the Archdemon circles, every dwarf's whimper in the Deep Roads … the Nightmare has fed well.”

“Can you help us out of the fade?” Evelyn asked, hoping

“That is why I found you” the ghost answered “When you entered the Fade at Haven, the demon took a part of you. Before you do anything else, you must recover it.” she pointed at a blurr of green fog “these are your memories, Inquisitor.” 

Out of the fog schemes materialized. Evelyn held her hand out to the first foggy glowing corner, a voice appeared “bring forth the sacrifice.” she went on to the second spot, activating it with the mark, this time a womans voice “run while you can! Warn them!” it sounded like the Divine. They approached the next spot, Evelyn made her own voice hearable “what's going on here?” suddenly Evelyn stumbled backwards, gripping her wrist, her face in terror. They just heard the voices again, Sereda stepped at her side and grabbed her shoulder, steadying her. The moment she touched her she saw what Evelyn was seeing. Corypheus holding an orb, drawing energy from the Divine who was held by magic. Then Evelyn entered the room, causing Corypheus to look at her and the Divine snapping the orb out of his hands, it rolled towards Evelyn who picked it up and transferred the power to her hand. When the vision ended Evelyn crouched over, Sereda shaking her head to get the dizzyness to fade, while the ghost of the Divine or whatever continued 

“Corypheus intended to rip open the Veil, use the Anchor to enter the Fade, and throw open the doors of the Black City. Not for the Old Gods but for himself. When you disrupted his plan, the orb bestowed the Anchor upon you instead.”

“I never thought Andraste did this” Evelyn looked strangely relieved

“And now you can be certain. You cannot escape the lair of the Nightmare until you regain all that it took from you. You have recovered some of yourself, but now it knows you are here. You must make haste. I will prepare the way ahead.” The vision blurred.

Hawke shook her head and Sereda nodded towards her “What's it?” 

“I wondered if you might be concerned about the Grey Wardens holding the Divine in that vision. Their actions led to her death.” Hawke snapped at her

“I am. But I do not trust all of this, I don't think we should follow that ...thing… I never heard anything about friendly demons in the fade telling you the truth” Sereda turned to Evelyn “please consider where we are and don't be too faithful in that Divine-ghost-thing”

“I agree – I don't believe it was the Divine” Cassandra added

“She is here, as we are, and she seems interested in helping us, I say we follow her.”

“It might be a trap, Sereda is right. And I'm not keen on meeting that Nightmare, it seems to be a nasty thing, feasting upon fears. And I'm also determined to keep my memories by myself, I might need them” Varric joked

“Ok, so we do not really have a choice then, let's follow the path … I want to hit that Nightmare for what it did to my fellows.” Sereda sighed in surrender

  
  


They went along the path that lay in front of them, when they gazed upon a wide area crowded with demons Sereda heard a echoing voice

“Ah, there you are! You know me well, do you? You think it was you that kept you going, overcoming your fear. Let me tell you, you were not, it was me. You want it back? You can have it back, all of you”

She didn't say anything while they were fighting the darkspawn crwaling out of the ground, she had never seen those before. Cassandra seemed to notice their strangeness “What are those things?”

“Looks like a twisted version of a Hurlock” Sereda answered her and Cassandra looked at her “What? Those were ...spiders!” 

“Well, I saw wolves, so I guess that's another imagery” Evelyn shouted back at them “Did you too hear that voice?”

Sereda turned her gaze towards the ground “no.” “I did” Cassandra said, flinching and Dorian added, nodding and frowning “me too” Hawke shot a look at Sereda, having caught her lying, Sereda raised her chin, no she wouldn't admit it and she did not wish to tell them what it was about.

  
  


They continued their way, facing the false images or fears again and she heard the voice again “You think all the sacrifices you made were for the better? You killed your brother with your arrogance. Duncan died, because you were not capable of fighting. You sent what you considered your best friend running, dying out alone, pregnant with a child you fear. You sent your love into a life he hates. It's not you who made those sacrifices, you made your beloved ones sacrifice themselves so you could live on”

  
  


They saw the Divine standing at the far side of an opening, her voice carrying over “The Nightmare is closer now. It knows you seek escape. With each Moment, it grows stronger.”

  
  


Suddenly they saw a flash of Evelyns memory, this time more surreal. She was climbing stairs that went vertically up into a green sky, demons behind her, spiders again in this case. They heard Evelyns pained voice beside them “This is the Breach back in Haven. That's how we … how I escaped.”

The vision blurred, the Divine was standing atop the stairs, Evelyn running past her, telling her to go on, turning around to see the Divine struggle and stop. Evelyn recheing for her hand but loosing her grip. The Divine voice fading in the distance when she was torn away “go.” Evelyns face in shock, when she finally turned and jumped into the rift.

Evelyn turned to the divine “it was you.” she looked sad, shook her head “They thought it was Andraste sending me from the Fade but it was the Divine behind me. And then you … she… died.” the ghost answered her with a simple yes.

”So, I was right, this thing is a spirit” Sereda said, more to herself. 

The spirit turned “I am sorry if I disappoint you.” and suddenly, her eyes began glowing, dismantling its form from the human appeal of the Divine, resembling to the form of a ghost, bright, warm golden light, to bright to look at. Lowering her arms she covered her eyes when Evelyn asked “Are you a memory of the Divine? A reflection?”

“If that is the story you wish to tell, it is not a bad one “the glowing spirit answered her.

Hawke chimed in again”What we do know is that the mortal Divine perished at the temple, thanks to the Grey Wardens” the bitter tone in her voice was obvious.

Sereda did not even try to lower her temper “What do you wish to do? Purge them? I know you did that once in Kirkwall” Sereda was teasing her

“I wanted to protect innocent people – you want to protect a bunch of madmen drunk on blood magic! But you don't care for that because your oh so loved Grey Wardens is everything you have left! The world would be a better one without them!” Hawke was now shouting down on her face and Sereda grabbed the hilt of her ax.

Evelyn stepped between them, annoyed “could you two please stop that until we're back to Adamant?”

While she spoke, Hawke turned to a sound behind them, demons were approaching again, a whole lot of them. The spirit faded “The Nightmare has found us” Evelyn stepped forward, drawing her daggers and yelled at them “form up” Hawke and Sereda close behind her, agreeing that there was more serious business ahead of them.

When the fight started, Sereda heard the voice again 

“How does it feel to wreck the Grey Wardens? To be what caused them to fall? You have been hiding in there, relying on a reputation you bought with the blood of others and doing nothing to stop them.“

“Oh shut up, I'm not falling for this any longer!” Sereda said out loud, regarding she didn't get strange looks the others must have heard it too, or something similar.

“Do you think you can fight me? I am your every fear come to life! I Am the veil hand of Corypheus himself! The demon army you fear? I command it. They are bound all through me!”

“Ah, so if we banish you, we banish the demons? Thank you, every fear come to life.” the spirit said, almost joking. “You must get through the rift, Inquisitor. Get through and then slam it closed with all your strength. That will banish the army of demons… and exile this cursed creature to the farthest reaches of the Fade”

The rift came into sight, glowing and pulsing green in the distance but in front of it – blocking the way – there was a huge crab or spider or some sort of monstrosity with multiple legs and eyes, a shell covering it's body and with fierce looking mandibles at its tiny head. Well, shit. Evelyn took a deep breath in and stepped out of the cavern they stood in, confronting the monster, in front of the monster stood something more human, a human like resemblance of the thing behind it, arms, legs, a head – even hands where a human should have it, but with additional chitin-like limbs growing out of its back and head. 

The spirit that was guiding them came down to the open and glided towards the Nightmare “If you would, please tell Leliana, “I am sorry. I failed you, too.”” as the spirit was near the human Nightmare, bolts of golden lightning shoot from its core, shocking into the thing and making it fall over. It flew higher, toward the crablike Nightmare, exploding in a burst of fire and light. When Sereda finally managed to blink away the blinding light, the crab was gone and the humanlike monster had recovered, screaming at them and attacking.

They heard the voice again, without the echoing, as it came straight from the Nightmares head “I grew fat on your fear”

Evelyn and Hawke unsheathed their daggers, Cassandra drew her sword, running towards the thing and Sereda took the ax from her back, this time turning towards Hawke “have an eye on Dorian and Varric this time, I'm not fast enough to get there in time if they were attacked” to her suprise, Hawke nodded and stayed behind Evelyn who had already rushed to the frontline, disappearing in a cloud of fog and reappearing in the Nightmares back, ramming her daggers into it. When it tried to turn around Sereda reached it and swung at it, causing it to stop turning. From her time with Zevran she knew that Daggers could deal huge damage but it was better to have someone else take the revenge for it. She barked at Evelyn and Cassandra, in her best commander-voice “you two better work together. Cassandra, block it and help cover Evelyn” At least they were friends and would be willing to work together, she was never able to get Alistair to do that for Zevran, he always said he was afraid, Zevran might stab him if he did “I will take care of those” her thoughts interrupted by the noise she pointed her chin towards a wave of demons crawling from the walls. Hawke was busy fighting off the spiderlike demons that tried to attack Dorian and Varric and she joined her, placing herself inbetween and letting Hawke disappear and attack from behind. She was able to cut the first one into half but had to take a few hits from behind. She could hear the clacking of the fanged mandibles at the metal of her armor and the heat from a fireball Dorian cast upon them which heated her armor causing it to burned her skin although the flames didn't touch her. 

The voice was back “You will die in agony” and with the echoing sound telling her it was only in her head “like you should have, years ago” anger, fear, and rage flooding her she couldn't help but call back at it, her voice trembling and vibrating from wrath “that's true, so bring it and die with me, once and for all” 

Varric glanced a t her but immediately took his eyes back on the Nightmare which had switched places again. Both Cassandra and Evelyn didn't look good, both had already bruises and cuts on their faces, Sereda ran to help them, stroke a blow against the Nightmare's side, only to see the distraction wouldn't work, instead of turning towards Sereda it used the momentum to claw across Evelyns chest who had alread placed herslef on the other side, wanting to use the tactic again. Evelyn went down, Varric and Dorian calling out for her. Cassandra threw herself into her chest, attacking the Nightmare with even more fury. Sereda too swung her ax the whole way back to strike a massive blow. Normally she wouldn't do that anymore since she lost her arm, it was still a two-handed ax and wielding it this far back with only one arm left her unable to parry, but she didn't care. The ax hit the Nightmare with a crushing, gnarling sound and it retreated. Cassandra had kept it busy with feints and thrusts of her shield. The moment they attempted to follow the Nightmare Sereda nearly stumbled upon Dorian who materialized himself at Evelyn side, kneeling, shaking her shoulder and helping her to her feet. Sereda let go her breath when she saw her standing, putting a potion to her lips. But the maneuver had left Varric and Hawke standing on one side, Dorian, Evelyn and Sereda on the other and Cassandra facing the Nightmare alone. “Go help Cassandra” Evelyn said, still pale. Sereda and Dorian ran over, just in time to catch the next set of Claws falling from the Nightmare. She hoped they could defeat it, they were exhausted and couldn't stand it any longer. Finally Dorian set free a massive strike of fire onto the Nightmare, exhausting him completely and making him stumble backwards. Varric was there to catch him and fortunately it was enough, the Nightmare died. Now the path was clear they set running towards the rift, Evelyn in front of them, Hawke and Sereda behind, she stopped when she saw the crab-thing emerging from the cliff. Evelyn didn't see it, focused on the rift in front of her, Hawke called out to her, gesturing her to come back. 

The thing was monstrous and she had no idea if it had a weak point, hell she didn't even now where it had it's brain, if it had one, the head didn't seem to hold anything than murderous weapons. Evelyn turned to them “we need to cut a passage through” 

As Sereda had guessed, Hawke was fast with her answer “Go, I'll cover you” 

Sereda didn't give a second thought for it. “I've had enough of arguing with you” and shoved the hilt of her ax horizontally into the both of them, making them fall to their backs, then she ran towards the many legs of the incarnation of the Nightmare, separating a few of them from it's body to clear a path, ramming her ax upwards into the Nightmares rump she yelled at them “Varric, get them out here!” 

Varric did as she demanded, pushing Hawke to her feet and dragging them both towards the rift. They ran past her, the rift flaring when they passed through. She rolled over, avoiding a hit with a thorn coming out of the Nightmares rump only to get swished across the floor by a leg. When she finally came to stand again, she started to run towards the rift, hoping to get through but the moment she came near it, it flared and with an vibrating sound closed. Evelyn must have cosed it from the other side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be continued :) decided to get this part out as I'm writing on
> 
> Thanks for the kudos and your patience with this story so far!
> 
> I think I stayed close to canon events but I took some liberties in the dialogues where I thought it would not fit grumpy Sereda. Hope you like it


	9. Adamant pt2

_Well, shit._ The Nightmare was still standing, now turning and heading towards her with it's unharmed limbs. There was no way she could defeat it, it was too big. She wasn't even sure if it would be possible to kill it, apart from its incarnation. When this was all the Nightmares in the world, all the fears, it shouldn't be  possible to kill it, a world without fear… wouldn't be possible.

She didn't really think about it, where to or why at all but she started to run. She panicked when she heard the clacking of it's legs on the stone floor grow faster. She never was a fast runner, maybe she was able to hide, she remembered the cave they came through, it was too shallow for the monster to follow her. She ran faster, her heart pounding in her throat and her lungs burning. When she finally reached the cave, she dropped her back against a wall and let herself slide down to the ground. A moment of relative safety she examined her belongings. Her ax, trusty as ever was bloody but in good condition, her armor was splattered, the buckle on her left side was ripped but it held together good enough. She had some minor injuries, some bruises, some cuts and maybe some cracked ribs, but nothing serious. She still had a healthpotion left in her pouch and she wanted to save it. And she was thirsty, very thirsty. Her gambeson was sweaty all through and her hair clung to her forehead.

The Nightmare had summoned another wave of the small Demons of Fear, Genlocks this time. She pulled herself to her feet, grabbed her ax and waited for them to enter the cave, two of them came in, slashing their blades at her, the third was standing outside, an archer. She twisted at her waist and let her body snatch at the first, cutting a deep slice into its side, the second got the back of the blade against his head when she swung back. She had knocked both of them unconscious and hacked their heads off. But she didn't dare go out to face the archer, she hid behind the very same pillar the spirit was standing behind mere minutes ago. The archer started running half circles to place a shot at her and she circled the pillar to avoid taking a hit.

The echoing voice was back, this time doubled with what she called the outside voice “How long do you think you can hide? You are right, you cannot defeat me, no one can. You will tire and I will get you. I will not kill you, oh no. You wish that, I know it from your dreams, you wished you died back then by Urthemiel, but that would be too easy. Your fear is tasty”

She hesitated when the voice appeared in her head and immediately an arrow came flying. It missed its target but she had to be careful to not let her guard sown.

“While I wait for you I think I can entertain you. How about some certainty about things you thought of in the past years? I know you want to know, you dreamed about it”

_no. don't do that._

“I can hear that, you know?”

She heard a clang of metal and turned around, peeking from behind her hide to see the Genlock archer slump down and become lifeless, she had no time to turn around, her vision blurred, it didn't matter if she closed her eyes, the image wouldn't disappear.

  


She saw the streets of Denerim during their fight, it felt like she was walking on her own, she was higher above the ground than normal. Her gaze turned back over her shoulder, a black feather crossing her sight. A smashing, deafening sound vibrated in her ears and she saw a light erupting from the top of a tower, the tower of Fort Drakon. She felt a shockwave rolling over her body. She started running, frightened. The Gates of the Marketplace smashed she saw herself walking through its remains. Through empty streets, soldiers running counter direction. She felt herself hurry up, now running to leave the city behind. The vision which strangely included feelings but didn't let her act blurred again. It was freezing cold, rain was falling, dripping from a streak of black hair. She saw the ground in front of her and the drops falling from her face a roaring pain in her midsection, she felt miserable. The vision went black, all there was left was the pain, growing, waving. When her eyes opened she found herself lying on the forest floor, her gaze up into the sky. She stood up, walking past burned trees, the forest silent until she reached a small cabin, old and rotten and entered it, sat heavily down on the straw in the corner of the small room, the pain wasn't bearable anymore, she heard her voice crying, screaming, a dark voice, a voice she knew.

  


She opened her eyes again, finding herself to be able to move again, lying on the floor, clenching her wrist into her stomach, still feeling the pain that wasn't hers. She leaned back against the pillar, catching her breath and wiping the sweat from her forehead. When she felt a sharp pain in her right thigh she knew she had forgotten the damn archer outside the cave. The pain pushed her over the edge, she broke the shaft of the arrow gritted her teeth and ran out of the cave, outragious, berserk and slashed at the fleeing Genlock like mad. She nearly sliced it in two, stopped, breathing heavy and went on to hack at the Nightmare. This time an underhand swing across her body up towards her left shoulder and crashing into the hardened shell of the monster. It screamed, yellow goo dropping from the cut. Sereda took a step back for her next blow, a leg came stomping down on her, hit her in the chest so all air was leaving her lungs but instead of stomping again the leg flicked into her side, rolling her over against the pillar but outside the cave. Sereda thought she would suffocate, she couldn't draw in another breath, panicking she looked down her body and saw her breastplate crushed completely and dented into her chest, the straps still holding it in place. The started fumbling on them, dots and stars in her eyes. When she finally managed to open the buckles on her side she took in a breath only to start coughing, a sharp pain ripping through her freed lungs. She bent over, still coughing and saw blood dripping on the floor. The Nightmare didn't try to come near her, it just stood there, its fangs dangling. She decided this was the time for the left over health potion, she put it to her lips, trying desperately not to cough and not to waste any of it. When she had it down she started pulling out the arrowhead still stuck in her leg. She bent what was left of the shaft from side to side, trying to free the tip. Inch by Inch and every movement of it causing bolts of pain running through her cramped up muscles, she got it free with a sigh of relieve. She rested her head back at the pillar for a deep breath which caused her coughing up blood again. The world grew black again and enlighten with a warm golden light, herself on a horseback, she could see it's ears twitching and the mane flying. The horse slowed down and trotted along a neatly paved street, leading towards a large building, the Warden Base she was stationed at. She hopped from the horses back, handing the reins to the stable boy, smiling back at her. She went through the door and up the stairs to her office. The Dog running towards her she felt herself bowing down and saw a slender, tanned hand with a green tinted leather bracer patting its head. When her gaze loosened from the Dog, she saw herself sitting at the desk, head bent over a reports. Her gazed flicked towards the bottle on the edge of the desk and quickly back to her, she heard her own voice, her head still low “Hello Zevran.”

“I came by, sweet Lady, to say Hello but I see you've serious business to attend to?”

“Mm”

“Well I'll be at the Inn and I would be glad if you want to join me later tonight? And we could move on to some more enjoyable business?” she felt her … his heart pounding faster

still not looking up she said “I'll see what I can do”

The vision went black and she found her lent body sitting at the inn when the door opened and she saw herself enter and take on the opposite side of the table. The waitress stepped by bringing them two mugs of beer. The gaze locked on her red rimmed eyes she felt the slender hand scooping up her broad, callused one, squeezing it. “You don't look good, do you want to talk about it?”

“No” her own voice, harsh. Hard.

“well, if you change your mind, you know you can talk to me anytime, you know?”

the woman across the table said nothing, not even a nod, a smile – just sipped at her beer.

She felt a knot in his chest and sighed to continue mindless chatter in his bright, singing tone. After her incarnation at the inn had emptied her second mug their feet touched under the table, his body stretched, his arms behind his head, his usual smirk curling his lips upward “I see you're in no mood for talking. Up to something else?” He slid his foot up towards her knee, slightly pressing against the inside of her calf.

The Sereda in the vision stood up, knocking the chair over “I don't know why you keep doing this, coming to town every now and then only to fuck me and disappear. I appreciate the good fuck but we have to stop this.” the figure turned to leave the slender hand grabbing to hold her but drawing back before it reached her. The Sereda in the vision left the Inn, infuriated.

“Because you won't let me stay, not in your room and not in your heart, even if I want to stay for as long as you let me”

  


Sereda woke to the effects of the potion fading and pain crawling up from her chest. She sobbed, followed by a seizure of coughs.

“Now now look at this, the hardhearted Warden, crying because she broke a tiny elves heart. You never cared for him, and he never came back after this evening. Do you know what happened? The Crows finally got him. You could have saved him, helped him but you were too occupied bathing in your pity”

“please stop it.” She rolled to her back, grabbed the pillar for support and slowly got to her feet shifting her weight on the good leg. Her ax still lay beneath the Nightmares body, out of reach. She bent down and took the knife out of her boot “I won't end like this.” A Warden dies standing, fighting” 

“Oh, you are no Warden no matter how much you play pretend” the legs moved slowly, swinging the massive body from side to side.

She started running under the swaying shell, aiming for it's core from where the thorn had appeared ignoring the pain flaring up in her leg. She dodged a leg kicking for her and cut through a tentacle that attached to her waist. When she came near the center she gripped the knife harder and rammed it upwards into the shell, cutting along it while she stumbled forward.

She had to admit fighting something overhead was a lot easier with the small knife than with her heavy ax, although she wasn't good at it. The shell gave a cracking sensation and a slurping sound where the knife hit. Suddenly the knife stuck to something and she lost her grip around it, the hilt twisting her wrist. Being stopped suddenly she had to fall back and catch her weight, but she attempted doing it with her bad leg which simply gave up underneath her. She fell on her back and could see the thorn emerging , dripping with a smelly liquid coming from it's tip. She rolled to her side just in time when the thorn came down onto her. Back up on her knees she attempted to stand up again only to get hit in the side by another leg. She was lying on her belly again, grasping for air, her lungs making whistling sounds and her body shaken with another coughing fit. She shook her head and tried to get her elbow beneath her body to take the weight from her now broken rib when she felt the thorn piercing her back, gliding into her body nearly effortless without her armor.

  


“It's a shame I had to do this, but I think we still have some time, I can keep you like this, get my live pumping through your veins. You will stay with me and you will watch”

The next dream felt different, more lively and real but at the same time, her own mind seemed to be working. Confusing like two brains melt together, fused. Maybe it was because the bodies were fused too. She didn't pay attention to the beginning of the dream, it was one of her own, the fight in Denerim atop Fort Drakon. She considered when she could still hear her own thoughts – could the Nightmare still feed from them? Did it listen to her? Could she use the connection to her own advantage? The thoughts tumbled in her head when she was caught by a strange sight in her dream, herself. So this wasn't her dream. She was watching herself slaying the Archdemon, the shockwave throwing her body back against the stones, it didn't move. Something choked her, squeezed her ribcage. The vision was over. She blinked, the idea of the Fade around her materializing but already blurry with the next vision, Morrigans face, Morrigans body. Morrigan sitting down on a bed, reaching for a hand. The pressure on her chest was growing, she noticed the whistling sound silencing. She woke to the vision of Anora in the throne room. _No, not awake. Dreaming. This is a Nightmare. Not my Nightmare_. Anoras speech to the troops, Seredas body next to Anora. Pride. A babys face, pride again. The baby lying in Anoras arms, happiness. A toddler, making his first steps, pride, joy. Anora entering the room, the toddler falling back, Anoras face twisting. A door opening to a bedroom, Anora screaming at the toddler. _Duncan, it was Alistairs son._ The Backyard, Duncan climbing down a tree, watched from a balcony on the far side of the Yard, Anora next to the tree slapping Duncan across the face. Duncan, crying in her arms, _no Alistairs arms._ Big hands on Anoras shoulders, shaking her, violently, Alistair screaming at her “You're the queen of Ferelden, you are his mother! Don't you dare do that again!” Anora, tears in her eyes, shouting back “What do you think who you are? I will have my husband punish you for touching me!” Alistair throwing Anora to her back, her head hitting the floor behind her, she stops moving.

The constantly growing pressure on her chest woke her, making it hard to breathe, she tried to wiggle under the heavy thorn, but she couldn't move, her legs, her hips, dead, everything down the point the spike went into her was numb. White sparks started dancing before her eyes and the echoing voice of the Nightmare, now distant, faint and … soft “sleep now, you can dream together” now she was in her own body again, in a masoned room, thick tapestries on the walls and carpets and expensive furniture around her, her old companions standing, waiting, herself amongst them. The Royal Palace, again. The door flung open and Alistair entered, frowning, tears glistening in his eyes. _No._ He started speaking with a heavy sigh. “I'm going to be king. I will need to marry, Ferelden will need an heir. We cannot carry on...” 

“no, you're not...”

“I don't want to, please don't make this worse...”

“you're joking, aren't you?” she felt an iron claw around her heart, squeezing it.

“You knew this couldn't last – we cannot stay together, I will marry Anora and I need to have an heir.”

“Alistair, please, don't!”

She started sobbing, running towards him. He didn't kneel down as he did so many times before, closing her in his arms. She wanted to hug him, the claw squeezed tighter, her heart felt like it stopped beating. She threw herself onto him, hammering her fists to his chest. He catched her wrists, put them down. He turned. Left. The door closed.

  


  


  


  


He woke to terrible nightmare, his neck and back sweaty, his pillow damp, tears on his cheeks. He'd dreamed of that day a lot but this was the first time he'd seen it from her side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> seriously, I have no idea why I did this to myself *sigh*
> 
> I'm not entirely sure I got it right. Decided to post it because sometimes the way I write something I'm not sure of in the first place is what I meant it to be but I go over it again and again and correct it into something worse. Enjoy this no-beta-version I didn't even sleep over. Or hate me :)
> 
> critics highly welcome!
> 
> PS: I think I have one followup-chapter, that I'll post, it's already written.


	10. The Aftermath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, it took longer than expected - I rewrote most of it several times *sighs*
> 
> wanted to leave that here because I heard it over and over again, while I wrote this.
> 
> You say that time can't heal  
> Broken heart you stole  
> I don't know what's real
> 
> You are what I can't be
> 
> Something in my heart  
> Makes me miss you more
> 
> Something in my heart  
> Still you're in my heart  
> Makes me miss you more
> 
> Röyskopp – something in my heart

Evelyn joined Hawke after she went through the camp at the Fortress' gates, checking in with the soldiers, holding hands to those who were too severely injured and talking to those on the edge. Hawke had already picked up most of her things and had started to tend to Seredas bag. She gave the rolled up bed and bag to Evelyn, keeping only the personal things. She didn't dare look at them, it felt like she would return, she wouldn't... but it felt wrong.

The evening Evelyn sat side to Hawke at the campfire.“I'm sorry” a heavy breath exited her

“I should have stayed back.” Evelyn said, the sorrow in her voice making it a whisper.

“No. The Inquisition needs you.” they sat in silence for a while, the crackling of the wood in the fire the only sounds “you couldn't have stopped her, from the little I know of her she possibly thought she owed you something, that she needed to correct something”

“me?” Evelyn shook her head “I don't think I'm doing all this a good service.”

Hawke poked a stick into the flames “you know, all this isn't about making the right decision in hindsight. It is about making decisions where no other dares to. It is about the will to do something good. And not let grief eat you up because something along the way went wrong. … Promise me you won't do that to yourself” Hawke looked up and met Evelyn's eyes.

  


As comforting as the company and the presence of well trained soldiers was, the urge to do something grew in Hawke and the next day she turned to Evelyn while they rode along the broad road. “Did Sereda have any family or friends?” Evelyn shook her head “as far as I know she never returned to Orzammar, I will have a letter sent to King Harrowmont and the Ferelden Warden Base.” Hawke nodded “I will travel through Denerim, would you let me tell the king in person?” 

Evelyn narrowed her eyes “sure, why not” It would have been easier to travel by land through Orlais.

  


Hawke took the Emperial Highway, by this time it was relatively safe, guarded by Inquisition soldiers. She was faster on her own and came by the Frostback Mountains before the Inquisition forces arrived back in Skyhold. 

Nobody expected her arrival at the Royal Palace, she went into the stalls, giving her mount to the stableboy and announcing her visit to the Royal Secretary. The elderly man wrinkled his nose at her appearance and made her wait in the sitting room. While she waited she sorted her belongings again, still not wanting to take a closer look at Seredas things. After two long hours she heard chatter descending the stairs from the the soffice. A bunch of nobles walked by and the Secretary left his place towards the stairs. The clatter of armor announced two guards escorting her.

Looking up from his desk, Alistairs eyes widened “Hawke!” He turned his gaze to the guards “Leave us alone, please!” The guards hesitated but turned and left, closing the door behind them.

“Why are you completely alone? The roads are dangerous!” Alistair muttered

Hawke sat down in one of the chairs opposite of the desk and cradled the small packed in her lap.

“I wanted to tell you in person.” she made a pause to inhale deeply

“Alistair, I'm sorry. Sereda is dead”

Silence fell heavy on the small room. He shook his head “No. You're joking, right? This is a cruel joke” Hawke reached for his hand but he retreated, stood suddenly up so that his heavy chair toppled over “No! That can't be true.” He slammed his big fists into the desk, causing the inkwell to roll off onto the floor. He started pacing the room like a trapped animal. Hawke picked up the inkwell, placed the package on the desk and told in a low voice. “I won't stay for the night, so let me tell you what happened, please. You know we joined the Inquisition forces in Adamant. They broke into the fortress and we were to face Clarel, the Warden Commander from Orlais. She was siding with an Venatori Mage, Erimond, who talked her into raising an demon army. We were able to reason with her so she turned against the mage, but there was a dragon attacking her and us- 

Atop the tower, when Clarel had killed Erimond and the dragon attacked us the Inquisitor opened a rift into the Fade to catch our fall. We found ourselfes in the Fade, bodily. We were cornered in the end, Sereda stayed back allowing us to escape. These are her personal things, I don't know who to give them to. We talked about her past, she told me about the two of you. I think she would want you to have it.”

  


On an instant he noticed Seredas writing, though shaky and uneven _she must have relearned writing with her left_ The paper looked awful, crumbled, dirty, parts of it ripped apart. He frowned “Thank you.” it was merely a whisper.

  


“I'll leave now. I could stay here, if you want me to?” Hawke stood up

“Thank you, but no.” He grabbed the package and shoved it into the drawer “So you simply left her behind?” his eyes glowing dangerously.

She didn't answer that, she simply dropped her gaze and left.

  


Hawke wasn't sure it was a good idea to leave him alone but she desperately wanted to go home. She wanted to leave all this behind, close the door, embrace Fenris and never leave him again. _It could have been me_

  


The evening after Hawke had left for the Waking Sea and he was finally alone, Alistair tapped to his office and retrieved the package. He took it to his bedroom, sat down on the bed and opened it. First thing that came out was an old ragdoll, dirty, ripped and stitched and smelly. It was The Dogs toy. Holding it he reached for the first sheet of paper.

  


  


_[Alistair,_

_I'm sorry I didn't write earlier, I had to hide, I hope you receive this when we return. The Wardens are rampant, something terrible is in their heads. I met Hawke, she's nice – where did you meet?_

  


_I have a lot of time on myself now. I think I owe you some explanations. I never meant it to end like that. I guess I should have seen it coming. I was desperate when you dropped me – I kind of knew you were right back then, but I was hurt. I definitely know it now, it was right, you made the right decision. Your son is wonderful. I'm sorry it didn't turn out so well for Anora. But I think you should talk to Wynne about Anora's condition, you can come to my office, I have her adress, we were in contact. You did a good job with Duncan, he is strong and kind and curious, just like his father._

  


_I'll continue later, my shoulder hurts again and this damp cave isn't making it any better..._

  


_I didn't tell you the whole truth how it happened. I was drunk, I was in the deep roads, slipped away from Harrowmonts feast. He was nice, but they kept asking me of you and why we parted – it was then when I started picking up the habit. I was desperate, I wanted to die and it looked like I was going to be lucky. But my new fellows had followed me – I wasn't as terrible a person back then and we had a sort of friendship. They killed the Ogre and got me out but they missed grabbing the arm the ogre had ripped off. Back home I started drinking heavily, it eased the pain, both of them.]_

  


  


  


_[Dear Alistair,_

_Thank you for the evening. It wasn't what I expected. I'm sorry I never opened one of your letters, I was angry. I kept them all. All the years. The night after the Dog died I started opening them. I'm so sorry.]_

  


A single page, scribbled neatly, and badly torn and stained, without a date.

  


_[Ok, I think I'm not going to send this one, so be it..._

_I hope I can send you something soon – I'm still hiding and there's no way I can send you a sign. No, that's a lie. I'm sorry again._

_The Calling gets louder, I don't think I'm gonna make it any longer._

_I hope I can return though. I need to tell you_

  


  


_I think you already know it… I love you]_

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this story is finished here. Do you want a Follow-up? A happy end? I have an idea for one... but I don't like happy endings for my own part - so you decide :)


End file.
